Yes, She Doesn't Mind.

New URL. And yes, SHE DOESN'T MIND! She. Doesn't Freaking. Mind. Ü

I first thought of 'shedoesntmind' for my new URL, but since its so common and any other girl can think of it to be their blog's URL, it wasn't available for use. And so I used my beloved first name and came up with 'melissadoesntmind'.

Why I don't mind?

First of all, I am a bit of a worry-wart. An OC planner. A workaholic mulit-tasker. [Yep, I'm that busy bee.] And I am very VERY tired already. With all the things I've been doing lately, I think I lost track of what's really important, my priorities are lost. I keep on looking at the future, but the sad truth is, my present is a mess. A really big mess. So during one of my devotions, I came across with these quote:

"In principle, we want God's wisdom. In practice, we follow our own."

It made me think for a while, and realized that it was right. That I always tend to ask for God's wisdom and knowledge when I need it, especially when making a decision, but in the end, I follow my own discernment, and trust that God will make it work in my favor. Gaaaaah! Control freak. Kainis!

But now, I have a new mantra. I won't mind. It doesn't mean that I won't care, its just that I wouldn't stress myself with the things around me to go my way. Or I would take it nicely and whole-heartedly if my desires wouldn't be given to me. [YET!] And I will try to live one day at a time. Ü I won't mind if my boss continues to reprimand me whenever/wherever she wants. I won't mind if my professors gave a lot of "last-minute" papers due next week. I won't mind if some of my friends may seem distant at times. I won't mind if people continue to lie, cheat, steal, etc.

But I will mind my judgments towards other people; my choice of words and my tone of voice when I talk to other people; my my heart to find forgiveness to others, and to myself as well.

That's all. Couldn't think of a better conclusion for this entry. I hope you don't mind. Gaaah! Get it? Ü

Of Love, Friendships, Closures, And Everything In Between.

Huling hirit sa February.. Game?

LOVE.

All the while I thought that as you grow old, you also get to be wiser when it comes to love. But it seems that I'm the otherwise. Tama ba? Hindi ba masyado na yata akong matanda para sa mga paulit-ulit na hinanaing tungkol sa pag-ibig? In fairness, I think I'm having enough. (Present tense, still ongoing.)

Yesterday, I saw a friend's tweet -- "Dear maturity, choosy ka?" I forgot the next line, but it goes something like pili lang yata yung binibigyan ni maturity ng 'maturity'. Get it? Natawa ako at first, pero naisip ko, ako mismo sa sarili kulang nito minsan. Haha! Minsan lang sumpungin ng maturity. Olats.

LOVE + LIES = AWAY NA 'TO!!

I just don't get it. Why do you have to lie if you're not hiding something from someone? Or better yet, why lie if you don't have to? I'm not being self-righteous, I've had my fair share of lying to someone about something, but what I don't get is why lie about something that's already out in the open?

Sample ba? Ganito.

Sample #1 : Kunyari si Person A nakita ni Person B may ka-HHWWPSSP sa isang mall, eh parang kagabi lang magka-text pa sila at binalak mag-Vday date at kung maka-arriba si Person A single na single ang datingan, so ayun na nga. Nakita ni Person B si Person A, na BOOM BOOM BOOM niya, and when asked about it, todo deny pa si Person A. "FRIEND" lang daw yung ka-HHWWPSSP niya. Ibang klase! Caught 'red handed' na, nagdedeny pa. Wala namang kaso kay Person B, kaya nga nakakapagtaka bakit kailangan pa i-deny ni Person A. Kalerks!

Sample #2 : "It's Complicated" ang peg ni girl at boy. Nagkataon na inatake ng 'curiosity' si boy at sa kagagawan niyang yun may nakita siyang mga bagay na sana di nalang niya nakita. Matagal na nangyari yung mga nakita niya, pero ang ipinagtaka lang niya ay nung mga panahong 'yon, iba ang kwento ni girl. Salisi yata. Ok lang sana kay boy eh, kaya lang di maiiwasan na masabaw siya. "Hindi siya nagsinunggaling, hindi niya lang nasabi yung totoo." -- Paulit-ulit sa utak ni boy yan. At si girl, kebs ang. Deadma. Patay malisya. Ang tanong, may dapat bang gawin ang kung sino man para maayos nila yun? At anong ugat nitong 'problema' na 'to? LIE! Tsk.

I have lied and I have been lied to. Kaya nga I know the feeling on both ends eh. I'm still wondering, if you really love a person, why do you have to lie to him/her? Para di siya masaktan? Eh diba pareho lang naman kung sakali?Inevitable ba talaga ang pagsisinungaling? Siguro nga. Mabuti nalang marami paring mga tao ang mapagpasensya, mahinahon, at malawak ang pag-unawa. Sa inyong lahat, saludo ako! Ü


"Don't tell me you're sorry, 'cause you're not. And baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught. But you put on quite a show, really had me going. But now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing. That was quite a show, very entertaining. But it's over no, go on and take a bow."


FRIENDSHIPS.

Lately, I've been re-assessing the friendships I've made the past years. I'm not the type of person kasi na kung makipag-kaibigan akala mo Facebook. (Maisingit lang ang kabitteran sa FB. Haha!) Tipong friend of a friend, iffriend mo na? Sometimes, it works, pero for me, more of an 'acquaintance' pa lang yun. I'm more into the 'depth of friendship' kasi. (Kaya nga nabuo ang kataga na 'Test of friendship' eh.) Hahaha!

For me, friendships are a lot like relationships (Minus the intimacy of course.) -- they need to make an effort for it to be stronger and stand the test of time. Bwahaha! KAARTEHAN! Simple lang, kung paano kayo sa mga jowa niya, ganun dapat kayo sa mga kaibigan niyo. Nakakainis na nga maiwan sa ere ng bf/gf/fling/chorvah/girlaloo/boylaloo mo, ano pa yung 'kaibigan' mo talaga diba? I really REALLY value the friendships that I have with a ton of people. (I have lots of 'best friends' and 'better friends'. Haha! Meron din 'best friends turned lovers turned strangers'. Hahaha! That's another story!)

I just don't like it when a 'friend' of yours suddenly shuts you off (?) just because he/she/it (Haha!) is doing well. Naaaaamaaaaan! Fair-weathered friends ba yung term dun? Basta. But that's just me and that's my prerogative. (It's Britney bitch!) Marami na nga akong na-encounter na 'jerk', hanggang sa pakikipag-kaibigan ba naman meron parin? OA! "Natural na nature lang ng mga kaibigan ang di magparamdam. Malay mo may pinagdadaanan na sila na di mo alam, o ayaw ka nalang nila guluhin dahil baka may pinagdadaanan ka din." Something like that. Nasermonan pa ko ng mabuti kong kaibigan dahil sa isang 'childish act' na nagawa ko recently. Yeah, I was quick to assume that a certain person and I were no longer friends.. just because. (Haha! No explanation. Or di ko lang ma-explain ng maayos. Kung baga.. nag-AWOL. Ganun! Eh pikon na pikon ako sa ganun eh, seryoso!) But at the end of the day, things were clarified.. If I'm to put it in words, it would be this simple.. "Steady lang."

Naku! Kaya kayo, kilalanin mabuti ang mga kinakaibigan. Mahirap na. Haha! Di purket masaya kasama yun na yun. :p Mas maganda yung kahit hindi masaya ay kasama mo parin. BOOM BOOM BOOM! Ü


"Do you cling to your pride and sing 'I will survive'? Do you lash out and say 'How dare you leave this way'? Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away.."


CLOSURES.

Is it really important? Does it matter? Or is it just an excuse to get another shot at something/someone? While closure eliminates ambiguity, it also stirs up confusion. Ha? labo ba? It's like (Conyo ampf!) not leaving someone "hanging" or to tie up loose ends; but when closure is attained, it doesn't end there. A lot of "What if's" and "Should have been's" will be drawn, thus leaving you more confused than ever. (Hindi na makuntento. Isip ng isip, parang babae! Haha!)

But on the contrary, closure sets limitation. Kung may closure na, malamang nalinaw na ang mga dapat linawin, at napagkasunduan na ang dapat na "lagay" ng kung sino man. TRANSPARENT. No more gray area.

Walang kwenta. Haha! Naisip ko lang kasi bigla. And kung bakit ba ko nakakaramdam ng "need for closure" eh feeling ko wala namang dapat i-close. Gets? Labo! Erase. Erase. Erase.

Basta, pag humirit ako ng "Kailangan ko ng closure." pakisilip nalang yung zipper ko, baka nakabukas lang pala, umaarte pa ko. :p


"Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it. And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you. But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind; underneath a disguise of a smile, gradually I'm dying inside.."


EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.

** Nape Tattoo
** Pet Shih Tzu
** Blackberry Torch 9800
** First sem almost over.. Getting ready for the whole acad year..
** And many more to come..

And in everything.. there is constant change.

My motto for 2012 : "This year is all about change."

And I strongly believe that this year will bring out a lot of changes in me, for me, and by me.

BRING IT! \m/



** (Kalat-kalat na kaisipan, pinilit isulat lahat sa iisang entry. Ito ang resulta. Bow.)

Nalipasan.

Dalawang araw na lang at tapos na ang pinaka-masaya at pinaka-paborito kong buwan (Asa!) ng taon.. GOODBYE FEBRUARY! ('Wag ka na muna babalik ah! Epal! Hahaha!)

Halos buong buwan ako hindi nakapagsulat dito. At hindi dahil sa wala akong masabi o kung ano man, hindi ko lang ano uunahin ko sa dami ng mga nangyari. Yung iba nga ako mismo nakalimutan ko yung mga detalye, pero yung pakiramdam.. damang-dama ko parin! Chot! Maarte! Gusto ko sanang isa-isahin pero bukod sa wala namang interesado, tinatamad ako. Babalikan ko na naman ang bawat araw ng Pebrero sa utak ko.. NO THANK YOU!

Sobrang busy sa school. At ako naman si magaling na kung kailan kailangang magsipag eh dun pa natuto mag-"procrastinate". (Pinanganak ba ulit ako kahapon at bigla ako naging isang dakilang procrastinator?) Patapos na ang Pebrero, papasok na ang Marso.. Hindi ibig sabihin nito mas dadali ang mga araw. GALAW-GALAW! Deadlines. Final requirements. Finals. Book report. Sheeeeeeeeez! (At ang tapang ko pang mag-9 units next sem para maging qualified sa scholarship program. GOODLUCK!) Pero sabi nga nila, hirap muna bago sarap. So bago ako mag-"Summer Vacation" mode ay magsusunog muna ako ng kilay at tutunga ng mga 5 bote ng kape para makapag-comply sa mga requirements. AJA! This better be worth it!

May pinagdadaanan ako, pero 'wag kayong mag-alala, dinadaanan ko lang, at di ko balak tambayan. Kaya pasensya na sa mga "random fit" ko (Kung sino man ang mga nasampolan na, paumanhin.) at mga unreasonable at irrational (Pero hindi naman totally irrational, di niyo lang ako gets minsan. Haha!) blahs ko. Basta. Matatapos din 'to. Ako na, ako na talaga ang S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D! Wala nga akong FB account pero hindi parin ako natututo at ako parin talaga ang gumagawa ng paraan para "kumuha ng bato at ipukol sa sarili kong ulo". Haaaaaay. -- WOAH! Teka, teka, teka.. Saan galing yun? Memasingit lang? Hahaha! Che!

Isang malaking pasasalamat pala sa limang taong 'to na kahit nakakalat sa iba-ibang lugar ay wala parin kupas sa pambabasag: Mafe, Chi, Tina, Cliff, and Mary. Hahaha! Sakit ng daliri ko kaka-type at panga ko kakatawa sa mga kalokohan niyong lahat! Love you all! BBM all day everyday! ♥♥♥

Dito na lang. Ktnxbye.

On Leave.

Sobrang busy the past.. err.. months (?) na wala na talaga akong time to post something "worth reading". Lahat yata puro rants and blahs lang eh. Anyway, sorry for that. Things are just a little crazier this time. Pero dahil ginusto ko 'to, wala akong dahilan para magreklamo ng bongga. So, dito muna for now. 'Till then.

I LOVE GRAD SCHOOL! Not. ♥♥♥

** When I come back.. I'll come back with a bang. [Chot!]

$%!@*&#^ This!

$%!@*&#^ This! I hate it! I quit! AYOKO NA! AYAW! AYAW! AYAW!

Hindi ako mapili sa trabaho, alam yan ng mga magulang ko at sa mga taong matagal nang nakakakilala sakin. Hindi rin ako tatamad-tamad tulad ng sinasabi sakin dito, alam din yan ng Nanay ko, HINDI AKO TAMAD! At lalong-lalo naman na may tiyaga ako sa kung anong trabaho ang iharap mo sakin.. Pero ngayon? $%!@*&#^ This! SOBRA NA! Ayoko na! Sawang-sawa na ko sa araw-araw na dalawang libong mahigit na phone calls na kalahati pa dun ay mga bastos at walang modo [SOBRANG UNPROFESSIONAL] na clients na akala mo residential yata ang tinatawagan at kung minsan parang pay phone pa sa kung saan ang gamit! ANG EEPAL NINYONG LAHAT! [with matching turo-turo ala Assunta de Rossi in JOLOGS.]

Parang ganito lang yan eh.. HINDI AKO NAG-ARAL NG APAT NA TAON SA KOLEHIYO PARA BAGSAKAN NG TELEPONO NG ISANG WALANG MODONG [AT JOLOGS MAG-ENGLISH, TRYING HARD, FEELING SOCIALITE] CLIENTE! $%!@*&#^ This! At ano tingin niya sakin? Robot na walang "programmed" na sagot kapag nagaalburuto ang cliente? Underdog na hidni alam gagawin kapag nasigawan? Ako pa ba magpatalo? DEMMET! EH di nasigawan siya! Hahaha! Well, hindi naman yun biglaan at tipong "marketer" [Palengkera] ang dating at bigla nalang ako nag-snap ng ganun. Pang-anim [Oo, nabilang ko.] na beses niya na kong binabastos over the phone, yung hindi courteous/professional kind of bastos, ganun. Eh nabosesan ko siya. So ayun, inunahan ko na.

"MA'AM SANA PO HINDI NIYO PO BINABAGSAK YUNG TELEPONO KASI MASAKIT PO SA TENGA AT MEDYO HINDI PO MAGANDA YUNG ASAL NIYO." Tapos hindi siya nagreply. At marahan niyang binaba ang phone. Olats!

Ang nauna ay "external stress factor", iba pa yung "internal stress factor". Tao ba 'to? OO! Hayop ba 'to? Pwede. Hayop sa katamaran! $%!@*&#^ This!

Ganito yan eh, kung alam ko lang sagutin LAHAT ng tanong ng mga cliente niyo, hindi ko na ipapasa sa inyo yung tawag. Alam ko namang busy ang lahat, lalo na sa department niyo. [Oo, sensitive ako sa environment ko. Unlike you!] Pero wala akong alam sa mga processes na yan eh . [At hindi ko kasalanan na wala akong alam, I WAS NOT INFORMED!!] So talagang babagsak at babagsak sa inyo yung mga tawag... Tapos anong gagawin mo? Deadma ka lang? Muta ang phone? Kiber sa mga phone-in queries? ANO KA, BOSS? $%!@*&#^ This! Tibay ng loob niyo "boss"! Ang laki-laki ng sweldo niyo, konting effort pa jan para naman kahit paano tumugma ang pinapasahod sayo sa tinatrabaho mo. Oo judgmental siguro ako sa pagkakataon na 'to, pero "boss", last year ka pa ganyan. Dati nga lakas mo pa makareklamo sakin na pinuputakti ka ng tawag. EH ANO PA PO AKO? Lunok lang pahinga. Palit tayo, trip mo?

Tama na. Galit ako kaya kung ano-ano sinasabi ko. *In hell.. Excel..*

Anyway, ayun lang, nag-rant lang ako. Ang init ng ulo ko [Literal. Yung parang may steam. Ganun ka-init.] at ang tigas ng batok at balikat ko [Malamang ay dahil sa stress.] at wala na kong energy para magalit pa. Naubos na mula alas-otso [Oo, pagpasok na pagpasok palang, umaaribba na ang mga tawag!] ng umaga. Haaaaaaaay! $%!@*&#^ This!

J-Hunting.

Before 2011 ended, I promised myself that if I don't get to be regularized here at the company I'm currently working, I'd find career opportunities in other companies. Why? Because I've been working here for 2 freaking years already and I'm still not on a regular status. And it's not because of my performance, I'm very well sure of that. And of course, my current job/position doesn't let me maximize my "potential" to excel and to utilize my skills. Kaya ito.. Nangangalawang na, nabobobo pa.

Rant mode: on. Of the 2 years that I've been working here:
1.) Are they properly orienting new employees [including me.] on the description/nature of the job that will be taking on? NO.
2.) Are they doing anything to contribute to the 'career growth' of the employees? NO.
3.) Are they provided enough trainings/seminars to further learning? NO.
4.) Are they prompt in giving promotions/regularization to contractual employees? HELL NO!
5.) Are they giving 'bonggang-bonggang' incentives and a competitive salary rate? HELL YEAH!
Tssss.. Panira! Che!

So, if can't do anything about my regularization, why not do something that I'm in control of? OPERATION J-HUNTING! Ü

I'll admit, it isn't easy. Not that there are no available vacancies, it's just that I feel I'm not fit for those positions or that I don't qualify in terms of the technical skills needed. [Yeah. So much for the training requests! Walang natupad kahit isa!] I'm like on entry level again/fresh graduate. And this fact is kind of depressing. REALLY.

But one thing is for sure, I won't leave until there is a replacement. I'm not that stupid/desperate! I should keep in mind that I still have 3 years of schooling that I need to pay for. *wink*

Surprised? Not So Much!

WELL WELL WELL.. WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

Eh 'di nangyari na nga yung matagal ko nang KUTOB. SABI KO NA EH! People will attack their 'prey' when it is in its MOST VULNERABLE state? stage? phase? Basta ganun! Yung 'weakest' point nila.

Kapag ba umalis yung dalawang tao nang sila lang dalawa, DATE na agad? Di ba pwedeng KAPE muna? -- P*KY*! Ganun na rin yun! Lilinlangin niyo pa ko! Eh kung alam mong may gusto sayo yung isang tao eh, kakape-kape pa kayo ng kayong dalawa lang? Eh kung buhusan ko kayo ng "beyong boiling point" na kape, matuwa pa kaya kayo? [Hahaha! Sorry. Natawa ako sa "beyond-boiling-point" chorvah. Anuba! Galit dapat ako eh. GAME!] AT.. AT.. AT.. 'Wag ka narin magtangkang humirit pa nang linyang "Don't act like a jealous wife!" ni Sam Milby dahil ito lang masasabi ko.. "I'm not acting like a jealous wife.. I'm a woman getting even!" -- PAK! Sabay buhos ng red wine sa mukha. Sabay walk-out.. in my RED STILETTOS!

Waaaaaaah! Anuba! Kakapanuod ng mga teleserye, 'yan ang napapala eh. :p Joke lang. Naiimagine ko lang lahat 'yan.. Masaya siguro kung makikita ko yan mangyari sa totoong buhay.

Dito na muna.




P.S. Nga pala.. Regular ang boxing sessions ko.. So ingat kayo! Hahahaha! Oh no, this isn't a threat. p

How To "Perfectly" Define You..

One word for you dude.. You're a JERK! Let me break it down for you..

• Jerks are selfish, manipulative bastards who see women as little more then sexual conquests to brag about to their buddies or mere objects that are there for their personal pleasure. As to ensure the post-sex breakup will be in their favor, Jerks often play the "sensitive guy" early on so the girl will make most of the moves on HIM, and after he's done with her and dumps her for some other girl just like her, he can make it look like she's at fault for coming on too strong, and consequently she'll take him back if he chooses to return for seconds.

• A guy who perfectly fits the gender stereotype, and is insensitive, controlling, and will treat women like sex objects. Though many women constantly complain about guys like that, most end up with one, because they didn't dig deeper and didn't try to see through the jerk's crap. Instead of going for a nice guy who will obviously be there for a girl, most girls choose what's right in front of them, a cold-hearted bastard who happens to look "macho", who is a big-time flirt and wears his p*n*s on his sleeve.

• A person you really love that just doesn't see how much you care for them, and yet, every so often actually treats you good, only to then act completely different from who they were when you first met them.

• Anyone who thinks they are better than everyone else. Arrogant, mean, conniving. Usually use people for no other reason than to hurt them, causing themselves joy.

I can go on and on through Urban Dictionary and pick out those that perfectly fit you.. But no, I think 4 points are enough to get the idea. I hope you're happy with the way you are. Just remember.. Karma's a bitch, and it comes around.. BIGTIME! Take care.

Heat-of-the-moment-post | 10.12.11