Late Night Rants 2.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? Nagmahal lang ako, pero ganito ang kapalit? Ouch! Sana pala nakipaglokohan lang ako, di siguro ganito kasakit. Pero buti nalang din hindi. At least, alam kong nagbago na ko.

I don't know what to think anymore. In fact, I don't want to think anymore. Of you, of us, of the things around us, everything! I can't stand being disappointed over and over and over again.

I have proven myself that you are not worth my tears, my heartaches, my smiles, my laughter, my time, my effort, my love.. But you know what? This doesn't make me feel any better. So, once again I prove myself wrong.

Ok na 'to.. Sa ngayon. Bye!

Late Night Rants.

Ano January? Matatapos ka na pero ganito pa rin ako, miserable parin. Saya mo ah! Salamat!

Nung Friday, nacheck ako ng mga Predictions ng mga Zodiac Signs for the year 2011, sabi ang Cancer, Aries at Pisces daw swerte sa first quater ng taon. AH TALAGA? Swerte ba 'to? Tama nga ang mga tao, HULA lang yang mga yan, DI TOTOO!

Ayoko nang marining ang 'three-words-eight-letters' na yan. Hindi na ko naniniwala sa totoong laman ng mga salitang yan. Shet!

Alam ko bakit ako minamalas lately.. Malapit na kasi mag-February eh. February and October ang mga buwan na para akong pinaparusahan ng kung sino man. Lahat ng BV nangyayari ng mga buwan na yan. Lalo na yang Valentine's shit na yan! In your face! Hindi na ko magkakaron ng Valentine's chorvah kahit kailan, sumpa na sakin yan. Bakit ba kasi may ganyang tradisyon pang nalalaman. Che!

Napapagod na ko. Hanggang ngayon umiiyak parin ako. Nahihirapan. Nakakatulog ng umiiyak. Miserable. Sana naman kahit paano gumaan na 'tong kaartehan kong 'to. Hindi na nakakatuwa eh. Tama nga sila, hindi mo mapipilit ang sarili mo maging masaya. NEVER! Haaaaay. :((

Last Rant: May bago akong laban na kailangang harapin. Mas mabigat 'to sa lahat! Magbabago buhay ko 'pag nagkataon. :(

Dito muna. Paalam.

Water Runs Dry.

We don’t even talk anymore and we don’t even know what we argue about. Don’t even say I love you no more ’cause saying how we feel is no longer allowed. Some people will work things out and some just don’t know how to change.

Let’s not wait till the water runs dry. We might watch our whole lives pass us by. Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry. We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives, don’t do it baby.

Now they can see the tears in our eyes but we deny the pain that lies deep in our hearts. Well maybe that’s a pain we can’t hide ’cause everybody knows that we’re both torn apart. Why do we hurt each other? Why do we push love away?

Let’s not wait till the water runs dry. We might watch our whole lives pass us by. Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry. We’ll make the biggest mistake of our lives, don’t do it baby.

I Give Up.

Dear Brain,

I'm sorry for being a pessimist, thinking of the worst in everything. [But sometimes I try not to.] I'm sorry that I always over analyze things, thus lead to making conclusions and assumptions based on my mere opinion. I'm sorry that because of me, and my 'emotional burden', you are not functioning well. I'm sorry that all I think about right now is myself, thus, I'm becoming too close-minded to see the bigger picture. I'm sorry that I became idealistic of what SHOULD be instead of what IS.

If you can, please ALWAYS think twice.. or thrice.. on how to go about certain situations. Don't let my emotions get the best of your judgment. Avoid being biased, and always have an open mind on things. Always place others interest before mine. Always TRY to do the right thing, whatever it takes, whatever the sacrifices. For the things that I cannot comprehend at the moment.. I give up.

PS: Try to think of 'happy thoughts' as well. Life is short, so live it to the fullest!


Dear Heart,

I'm sorry I didn't guard you well enough. I'm sorry I easily give in to what my mind tells me, to where my emotions lead me. I'm sorry for causing you pain, too much for you to bear. I'm sorry for not taking good care of you. I'm sorry that you're suffering too much now.

Please let me sleep. I know how badly I want to love and be loved back, but if its not the right time, then let these feelings sleep. I don't want you to be worn-out further; so save what is still left of you. You'll be complete again.. in time. For now.. I give up.


Dear God,

I'm sorry I tend to ignore what you're trying to tell me at times. I'm sorry if I have done others wrong. I'm sorry for being self-righteous and cold-hearted. I'm sorry that I am only looking after myself. I'm sorry for putting my focus on my problems instead of the other blessings that you continue to give me and the people around me.

I know [and I strongly believe] that you have your own reasons why things happen. I just pray that in time, I'd be able to understand it all and learn to accept it with all my heart. I will not ask for things to go my way but rather Your will be done. It is you who knows everything and Your plans are perfect.

Lord, I'm asking that you renew me once again. Give me a new heart, a refreshed mind, and a stronger body. Be with me as I go through this. Guide me on the right path. Lead me with your word. Fill my heart with hope once again.

I give up Lord.. all of these, I lift it up to you.

Yesterday.

I just can't believe you're gone, still waiting for morning to come. Wanna see if the sun will rise even without you by my side. When we have so much in store tell me what is it I'm reaching for. When we're through building memories I'll hold yesterday in my heart..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

You always used to say I should be thankful for every day. Heaven knows what the future holds or at least how the story goes, but I never believed them till now. I know I'll see you again, I'm sure it's not selfish to ask for more. One more night, one more day, one more smile on your face but they can't take yesterday..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

I thought our days would last forever, but it wasn't our destiny.
'Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong.
Now I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made,
I'm looking back on yesterday..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

Hurting.

Whaddup Monday? It's kinda early for me to be blogging on a Monday, but, I have lots of time anyway since I deactivated my account on FB [for reasons that I won't cite here.] and on other social networking sites. Anyway..

Its been two weeks since my last post that's worth-reading-somehow. And ever since then, I am hurting. Hurting. Present progressive tense if I'm not mistaken. Meaning currently happening. [Redundant ba? Ewan. Basta!]

Magtatagalog na ko, nahihirapan ako eh. Haha! Game.

Mahirap ang mga nakaraang linggo. Walang tulog. Hirap matulog. Ang bigat ng loob. Plastik ang ngiti. Malalim ang 'eyebags'. Malungkot. Sobrang lungkot. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Ngayon ko lang nalaman kung gaano ko kalalim nahulog, kasi ang hirap bumangon eh. [Sabi ko na eh! Sinabi ko na 'to dati sa sarili ko. Ayokong masyadong mahulog, dahil baka ako din mahirapan sa huli. Ayan, totoo nga.] Parang multong nanghahabol yung pangyayari, kahit di mo isipin, kusa siyang papasok sa isip mo. At kahit isipin mo siya ng isipin, mapapagod ka lang dahil hindi ka makakakita ng kahit anong liwanag sa sitwasyon. [Yup. Pessimism kicking in.] Pero ang pinaka-nahihirapan akong labanan ay yung kalungkutan. Sobrang nalulungkot ako. Tapos wala akong magawa, o kung may magagawa man ako, hindi sapat. Tamang pang-tawid lang. [Pagkain?] Nagpapasalamat ako na wala akong 'suicidal tendencies' dahil kung meron, malamang hindi na ko nagttype ng post ko ngayon, malamang di na ko umabot ng 2011. [Buti nalang talaga wala! Gusto ko pa masinagan ng araw ng matagal na panahon noh!] Ito na yata ang pinaka 'masaklap' na nangyari sa 'lovelife' ko. [Oh ayan ah? hindi ako exag na 'buhay' ang ginamit ko. 'Lovelife' lang.]

Pero kahit ganito ang nararamdaman ko, umaasa parin naman ako na gaganda din ulit ang takbo ng kwento ko. Iikot din ulit ang gulong at aakyat ulit ako sa taas. Nagpapasalamat ako dahil wala akong galit na nararamdaman, mas magiging madali ang pagtanggap ng mga bagay-bagay kapag iniintindi mo ito maigi at walang galit na kinikimkim. Siguro sa ngayon, kailangan ko lang umiwas dahil ayoko nang madagdagan pa yung lungkot na nararamdaman ko sa ngayon. Masakit. Sobrang sakit dahil ayoko yung nangyayari. Walang may gusto nito. [Well, ewan ko sa iba ah? Di ko alam.] At walang may kasalanan kung bakit humantong sa ganito. Kaya nga mas nakakalungkot isipin eh, kasi... Ayun na nga. Paulit-ulit? Unli? :)

Hindi naman ako nagpapanggap na sobrang 'strong' ako at kayang-kaya ko 'to. Oo kaya ko 'to, pero sa ngayon nahihirapan pa ko. Kinakaya ko. Itinatawid ko. Kasi anong gagawin ko diba? Kailangan ko din tulungan sarili ko. Ako na lang mag-aalaga ng sarili ko, di ko pwedeng iasa sa ibang tao yun. [Not their responsibility.] Sobrang sakit, parang outline ng tattoo. Ito yung pinakamasakit na part. Pero gaya ng lahat ng tattoo, ITS ALL WORTH THE PAIN. Lahat ng sinabi/sinasabi/sasabihin ko, papanindigan ko hangga't kaya ko. Alam kong mahirap kalabanin ang 'force of nature' pero hanggang sa huli, lalaban parin ako. Magpapahinga lang muna ko.

Sana lang I'll be over the hurt/pain soon. Kasi nasasayangan ako sa mga araw eh. Parang ngayon, kalagitnaan na ng January, ganito parin ako? Hindi ko minamadali, pero parang ganun na nga. Hahaha! Ayoko na yung feeling ng lungkot na 'to eh. Sana malapit na matapos..

At pagtapos nito.. I assure you.. ♫♪ I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME IF WE EVER MEET AGAIN..♪♫ Hahaha! Ah basta. Bahala na.

Dito nalang muna. Bye!

When?

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that inevitable is best accepted with serenity. There are times when you absolutely see no solution. When you've thought and thought and prayed and prayed; when you've sat still in meditation listening for an answer and still no answer comes. There are times when it's okay to just surrender.

I *Hate* This Part.

Another EMOde post. Yeah, this is tiring already. =((

I already forgot how this 'emo phase' works. I'm really really lost for words. [Or I'm just afraid to write what I really feel because I might regret it. Now's not the best time for it.] I just want to 'doddle' on this blog because I can lose my sanity here at the office, with no one to talk to.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

If the past months have been nothing but happiness, I guess now.. it's payback time. And if this is what needs to be done in order to bring that happiness back.. I'd gladly embrace the pain.

"The world slows down, but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part where the end starts. I can't take it any longer, thought that we were stronger, all we do is linger. Slipping through my fingers. I don't want to try now. All that's left's goodbye to find a way that I can tell you." =((