.....

NAKAKASAMA NG LOOB. MADAMI SANA AKONG GUSTONG GAWIN, MADAMI SANA AKONG DAPAT NAGAWA NA.. KAYA LANG WALA! AT BAKIT? DAHIL MASYADO AKONG MAPAGBIGAY! MAHIRAP MAG-AYOS NG SCHEDULE NGAYON NA MARAMI TALAGA AKONG INAASIKASO. KAYA NGA VERY “FREE” TIME KO MERON PARIN AKONG GINAGAWANG BAGAY THAT MAY SEEM UNIMPORTANT TO OTHERS PERO KAILANGAN KO. NAKAKAINIS LANG WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A PLAN, A SMOOTH SAILING PLAN TO DO THESE THINGS.. BIGLANG POOF!! DI MO MAGAGAWA DAHIL MAY MGA BAGAY/TAO NA MAG-I-INTERUPT (MINSAN UNINTENTIONALLY) SA MGA PLANS MO. DON’T GET ME WRONG, HINDI NAMAN MASAMA LOOB KO EVERYTIME I HELP OUT OTHERS OR PINAGBIBIGYAN KO SILA SA MGA GUSTO NILA / DAPAT NILANG GAWIN. PERO MINSAN KASI AKO DIN MAY KAILANGAN EH. PWEDE NAMAN YUN DIBA? NA MINSAN AKO NAMAN?

AND WHAT’S WORST THEY ARE VERY UNAWARE OF IT! INCONSIDERATE. INSENSITIVE. KAYA MAS NAKAKASAMA NG LOOB KASI. DEDMA LANG. KAHIT TADYAKAN KO NA YUNG UPUAN DEDMA PARIN EH! HINDI MARUNONG MAKIRAMDAM. SOMETIMES I WONDER, GANUN BA KO SA IBANG TAO KAYA GANUN SILA SAKIN? WELL, IN MY PERSONAL OPINION HINDI NAMAN AKO GANUN! NEVER! UTANG NA LOOB, KAHIT NGA MASAMA NA LOOB KO KAPAKANAN PA NG IBANG TAO INIISIP KO EH. SILA NALANG KAHIT WAG NA KO! TAPOS GANITO? TSSS. KAGIGIL. TAPOS ETO, MASAMA NA LOOB KO PERO DI KO MAGAWA MASABI SA KANILANG LAHAT? BAKIT? AYOKO NANG MAG-ISIP PA SILA NG KUNG ANU-ANO! AYOKO NA NG MGA MAHABANG USAPAN NA WALANG PATUTUNGUHAN EH. KASAWA NA. KAPAGOD NA.

AND THAT IS THE VERY REASON WHY I AM VERY VERY VERY TIRED. OF EVERYTHING!

T.G.I.F.

first time ko lang sasabihin 'to sa buong panahon na nagtatrabaho ako.. THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!! wooooot! no work tomorrow. pwedeng-pwede magpuyat mamaya. manunuod ng bubble gang at makikinig kay papa jack, at kung hindi pa kuntento maglalaro ng PVZ (plants vs. zombies) yeah! ang sarap ng feeling! tapos mejo relax lang dito ngayon sa "office", la masyadong work, ang mga bossing lang yung busy sa mga meetings etc. (buti nalang hindi ako bossing). kalahati na ng book yung nababasa ko (simula kaninang after breakfast), tinigil ko muna para may bala pa ko mamaya. wala yung katabi ko so ako muna gumagamit ng PC nya ngayon. naglalaro rin ako ng PVZ ngayon (adik lang!) kasi mamaya pag bumalik na sya, sya na ang uupo sa trono. :) dapat briefing ko ngayon about my real work kaya lang busy pa si boss kaya petiks mode lang! (lagi naman yata.)

wala lang akong magawa kaya ako nag-bo-blog. :) feeling ko kasi ito na lang may sense sa mga accounts ko eh (except for facebook syempre!)

anyway, THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!! (lahat ng may trabaho itaas ang kamay at iwagayway! wooot!) *may choir practice mamaya, punta kayo. :)*

Happy Weeksary! ♥

hey hey hey! it's my "weeksary" here at the office (does this term even exist?) hehehe.. :) one week pa lang pero ang homey na ng feeling. well, actually, para lang naman talaga ko nasa bahay eh. im surrounded by women my mom's age. tapos minimal lang ang trabaho (kasi nga bago pa ko) tapos kain upo kain upo. kulang nalang dito TV eh. hehehe. lagi rin marami pagkain, kalokohan ang magutom dito! :)

wala pa ko masyadong mga kwento eh except sa (1) late nanaman ako kanina by 2mins. pero dahil mabait si kuya guard "on the dot" na lang daw. :) yahoo! (2) alas-dos pa lang ng hapon wala na kong maisip magawa, wala rin kasi yung pinaka-boss kaya hindi ko alam mga dapat kong gawin. puro photocopy lang ako so far. (3) before lunch break nakatapos ako ng isang book sa sobrang walang magawa. (4) excited na ko ulit mag-gym, kasi may kasama na ko eh. (i miss you cha!) (5) dadalhin ko yung eclipse bukas, para makapal-kapal yung babasahin ko sakaling wala ulit masyadong ipagawa sakin. hehehe. :)

yun muna so far. siguro yung iba jan naninibago dahil nakakapag-blog na ko ulit.. guess what?? MELAI's BACK!! wuhoo!! :) (OL kahit office hours) byebye!!

Updating..

Ngayon na lang ulit ako mag-bo-blog. Kakamiss din pala noh? Anyway.. updates updates updates!! I’ve just resigned at Starbucks as a barista, and now I am currently working at PEZA (government agency pare!!). di ko pa masabi talag how I feel kasi they are two different jobs. AS IN!! from the work environment, to the work itself, hanggang sa mga taong kasalamuha ko sa araw-araw, pati ang daily routines ko iba!! Haaaay.. but, I thing I like about this is that one step forward to sa life.. (naks!) I mean, this time seryoso na ko, hindi pwede laro dito sa PEZA, maraming papalo sa pwet ko dito (puro mommy na kasi kasama ko eh..) at mas masusubok ang pakikisama ko sa iba’t-ibang klase ng tao, bata o matanda, mayaman o mahirap, may posisyon o wala.. DAHIL AKO AY ISANG KAWANI(?) NG GOBYERNO.. magtatrabaho ng lagpas sa oras kung kinakailangan!! Hahahaha.. (natutunan ko lang yan sa flag ceremony kahapon!!)

So far so good naman dito. Kain, upo, tawag-tawag, mag-operate ng fax at photocopier (pwedeng-pwede na ko magtrabaho sa ALVA!!) at mga minimal na tasks. (bili mo o lunch sa canteen, akyat mo to sa taas kay ms. Blah blah blah. Etc.) BUT don’t get me wrong, masaya naman ako dito eh, I’m just not there yet. (naks! May ganun pa?) I mean, hindi pa sya ka-level ng kung paano ko nagging sobrang saya sa starbucks. In time siguro aabot din ako sa level na ganun. But for now, eyes on the prize muna.. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!! Hahahaha.. sana talaga ma-regular ako dito para maiangat ko na sa hirap ang mga magulang ko (tae! Ang drama!) tapos para mabigyan ko ng magandang edukasyon si draco, si kitten, at si obama (ang mga paborito kong alaga..) at syempre para makahiga sa kamang punong-puno ng pera kasama si ate les.. (pareho kaming mahirap at yan ang pangarap namin!!) at ang pinaka-malupit sa lahat, mailibot sa buong mundo si aloi.. hehehehe.. madami na kong utang jan eh, at bago pa ko makabayad, malaki na ang interest.. kaya trip around the world na ang kapalit.. sana sana sana.. sana makaipon ako dito at yumaman ng bonggang-bongga.. soon to rise: melai’s nono bank J (naging term na nating lahat ang NONO BANK kaya i-a-adopt ko na.. total part eng pagyaman ko yan si kuya noel. Ngunit sya parin ang ultimate NONO BANK!! J

Non-sense na yung mag pinagsasasabi ko.. 3:30 na kasi at purging-purga na ang utak ko sa kakaisip ng kung ano pang pwedeng gawin eh.. buti nga nakapag-internet ako eh.. hahaha.. tibay!! 5 araw pa lang umiinternet na.. san ka pa??

Anyway, kahapon, nagdecide na talaga ko mag-enroll sa slimmer’s world. Kaya naman sa budget, mejo titirik nga lang mata ko tuwing lunch, epro keri naman.. nagulat ako sa weight ko kahapon nung evaluation ko.. 123 POUNDS!! Anak ng kamote!! Nakakainis.. nakakahiya!! At pag-compute ng BMI ko aba acceptable pa naman pero isang guhit na lang at OVERWEIGHT na ko!! Kamote talaga!! Nakakainis!! Kaya kahapon, walang pagdadalawang isip ay nag-enroll ako.. J mura lang naman eh.. J at mamaya ang aking first meeting with my fitness consuktant! (Naks!!) J yung interesadong samahan ako okei lang, malapit lang to, sa may adriatico lang.. tara na!! GYM NA GYM NA!! J

Yun lang, la na talaga ko masabi.. la na rin magawa dito eh.. di pa ko pwede mag-YM, di pa ganun katibay buto ko katulad ni “SIR NOEL“.. wahahaha... J

Gusto nyo ng bloopers? Ngayon lang ako natuto gumamit ng fax machine & photocopier. Pag-operate at pag-galaw pa ng kung anu-ano.. Hehehehe.. kamoteng secretary talaga.. oh say sige na, merienda time na dito (kain na naman?) Byebye peeps!! J

Sorry sa mga typo, nagmamadali ako eh.. at KILLBOARD 'to! hahaha.. :)

Brighter Days. :)

last august 12 was the most sincere and honest conversation i've had with him. he cried, i cried, a lot. it wasn't an easy thing to do, knowing that the truth really hurts. but im thankful for all that's been said and done that day. it really opened my heart to finally just accept the fact and to let it go.

we've decided to start it all over, and just let time decide on how things will work out. it may or may not be in my favor, but who cares? at least we've tried to fix where we've started, and that is on being the best of friends. after all, i know (and i now believe) that God has a better plan that what i've already pictured in my mind. surrendering all the pain that i'm feeling to Him gave me hope. not the kind of hope that someday we'll be back together, but hope that tomorrow will be better than today. He has wiped my tears for me to see a bright tomorrow, used people (or even dogs) around me to give me happiness, used me (and my experience) to help out other people, and lastly gave me an opportunity to become more closer to my mom. (the best!)

this indeed gave me the lesson that i have to learn the hard (and painful by the way) way. but then, the important thing is, i've learned, and i'm changing (a work still in progress). all these wouldn't be possible without God's help, with the power hug of my mom, the distractions of my dad, the ignorance of my sisters (meaning they didn't know, not unitl now i guess), the understanding of my one true bestfriend, and the super wet kisses of draco (my sister's pet yorkie).

so for all those who's struggling right now, don't be afraid to cry. let it all out until it hurts no more. turn to God for help, and everything else will follow. there's hope for brigther days. :)

The One That Got Away. :(

I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little necessities of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will. The day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single… but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"

That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that if you’re already with the one you’re with, that this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right,it’ll all just fall into place somehow. And it would be a great feeling, if in the end, you’d be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away."

Insensitive

How do you cool your lips, after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat, after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes, from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice, you'd know anywhere?

Oh I really should have known,
By the time you drove me home,
By the vagueness in your eyes,
Your casual good-byes,
By the chill in your embrace,
The expression on your face, that told me,
Maybe you might have, some advise to give, on how to be, insensitive.

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime, to fall in love again?

Well you probably won't remember me,
It's probably ancient history,
I'm one of the chosen few,
Who went ahead and fell for you,
I'm out of bold, I'm out of touch,
I fell too fast, I feel too much,
I thought that you might have, some advise to give, on how to be, insensitive.

Oooohh Ryan!

haaaaaay. after all that toxicity, i finally followed all of your advices. CHILL! eh di mag-chill ako diba? hehehe. kahit wala pang matinong tulog, after duty i decided to watch a movie. THE PROPOSAL. gusto ko talagang panoorin tong movie because of ryan reynolds. nakakaaliw kasi sya eh. he can be funny, sweet, sarcastic, and dramatic all in the same time. :) kaya ayan, mejo umaliwalas yung mukha ko dahil napatawa nya ko kagabi. kahit na last full show nalang naabutan ko, still worth it parin! :)

actuall, napanood na namin sya sa store nung walang tao, kaya lang hindi masyado malinaw yung copy, kaya nanuod ulit ako sa BIG SCREEN! wehehehe. since sweldo naman kahapon, why not treat myself diba? pwede naman yun diba? :)

at to top it all of, i bought a new laptop bag. hehehehe. :) (at ngayon, wala na ulit akong pera. pooof!)