Not Where You Should Be.

Then it happened in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him and all Israel, and they destroyed the sons of Ammon and besieged Rabbah. But David stayed at Jerusalem.

Now when evening came David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king's house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance. So David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, "Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, The wife of Uriah the Hittite?" David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; and when she had purified herself from her uncleanness, she returned to her house.

- 2 Samuel 11:1-4

David learned the hard way that idleness can bring dangerous temptation. Kings traditionally led their armies into battle. The Bible doesn't tell us why David chose to stay home when he should have been leading his army. For whatever reason, he sent someone else in his place, and he remained at home with little to do. If only he had been where he should have been, doing his job, he would not have come across Bathsheba and committed the sin that would tear apart both their families. David, a man who loved God with all his heart, ended up doing something he would regret for the rest of his life.

You can learn from David's tragic mistake. No matter how strong you think your faith is, you are vulnerable just as David was. If David could commit a horrible sin, so could you. If you find yourself drifting away from the things you know you should be doing -- Bible study, worship, prayer -- understand that you are in great danger. You will fill your time by doing something. As you neglect your Christian life, you'll be tempted to fill the gaps with activity that could bring you enormous heartache. Far better to be where you're supposed to be than to sit idle, an easy target for temptation. Begin today to do the things you know you should be doing. It will save you from regret in the future.

--- Henry & Richard Blackaby

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For weeks I have been "lukewarm" with my everyday devotion. It seems that the message doesn't really get into me, or I just couldn't relate to it. Not until now.

I have this feeling that things in my life are not where they should be right now. [Or maybe I'm just impatient or that I couldn't find contentment on my current situation?]

The title says it all. I think I am not where I should be. Lost. I've decided to take a different route on my faith journey because I felt the need to go out of my comfort zone for me to grow spiritually. That was a big decision I had to do at that time. I've prayed for it, and now here I am. Still Lost, but still standing. I'm in a position wherein I don't know what to do next. But I know that He is just there, guiding me.

Pray for me. I don't have a clue what I'm going through.

Tinatamad na ba ko?

Since August pala dalawa pa lang nagagawa kong blog post. Mukhang lately tinatamad na yata ako mag-update ah? Or masyado lang mabilis ang mga pangyayari, hindi ko na alam paano ko sisimulan isulat? Hehehe.

WORK RANTS.
Nakakasawa na. Paulit-ulit na yung ginagawa. Wala ka namang end goal or end product para ma-quantify mo yung productivity mo. In short, mas nararamdaman ko na yung pagod dahil sa boring na trabaho at ka-trabaho. Kung hindi lang talaga malaki sweldo dito, aalis na ko eh. Pero kahit anu pang sabihin ko, kailangan ko tong trabaho na to. Mapapalo ako sa pwet ng nanay at tatay ko kapag nawalan ako ng trabaho. naging batas na yata sa bahay namin yun na bawal maging "B-U-M" eh. Ayun. May mga kaibigan naman ako dito [Mga 4 siguro sila] pero kahit konti, alam ko namang totoo sila sakin. [At kasing edad ko silang lahat.. Halos.. Maliban sa isa.] At araw-araw sila yung napagsasabihan ko ng "rants" ko sa buhay. Sa pagiging isang "irrelevant" phone operator. Haaaay.

BUME-BAKING LIFE. KUMA-CAR TOWN. TUMI-TWITTER. TUMA-TUMBLR.
Ito ang mga bagay na ginagawa ko para hindi ma-stress [O kaya minsan ito rin yung mga bagay na nagbibigay ng stress sakin. Haha!] at nag-e-enjoy naman ako. Wala naman akong ibang option since tapos ko na halos lahat ng TV series na pina-DL ko kay Louis. Basta, sobrang active ng accounts ko lately. Hahaha. At dahil yun sa B-O-R-E-D ako dito.

ANTUKIN.
Sino bang hindi? Lagi na lang akong inaantok. [Or tinatamad. Minsan sabay sila diba?] Kahit na matagal naman yung tulog ko, inaantok parin ako. Lalo na siguro kung kulang sa tulog. Habang tina-type ko tong post na to, inaantok ako. Kaya nga sobrang random nalang ng pinagsasasabi ko eh. May ma-i-blog lang. ZZzzZZzz..

PATULOY NA PAGSUNOG NG KAHAPON.
Hindi na ko matapos-tapos sa kakaligpit ng mga 'gamit' ko sa kwarto. [Partida, sa kwarto pa lang yun.] May pagka-'sentimental' kasi ako when it comes to 'stuffs' kaya minsan mahirap talaga magtapon nalang ng basta-basta, pero ngayon.. HINDI NA! Hahaha. Hindi na makahinga yung kwarto namin sa dami ng 'abubot' [As what Mom calls it.] naming magkakapatid kaya nga ako na ang nangunguna sa pagtatapon. Wala nang 'second thoughts'. Basta pag di na kailangan.. TAPON! At yung mga bagay na wala nang halaga sa kasalukuyan.. TAPON! Hahaha. Sarap ng feeling! After ko maglinis, biglang naging maaliwalas ang mga gamit ko [Although madami parin sila.] at lumuwag ang space ko sa study table namin. Ayun lang. Kayo din. Try nyo magligpit ng mga gamit nyo. Tapos sunugin nyo yung hindi na kailangan. Tapos tumawa din kayo ng parang kontrabida. Mwahahaha! Ü

STAMPED PASSPORT.
Since I got my passport, I couldn't help but wonder where will my nxt destination will be. Of course mas mahirap magpaalam kay Mom since ibang usapan na 'to, ibang bansa na 'to eh. And I haven't got any credit card kaya mahirap din magbook online sakaling may maabutan akong seat sale. Haaaay. I badly want to go to SG or HKG sana [Suntok sa buwan] within the year. Ü Or if not, sige kahit early next year. Ü Kasi naman, tong mga kapatid ko, ayaw ma-excite maigi, puro plano lang. Tsk! Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon gusto ko sana ako nalang yung panganay na anak! Hehehe. Ü Basta, matatatakan din yung passport ko. Ü

I WILL TRY TO BE SOBER.
Yan ang isa sa mga random thoughts ko kaninang idle time ko dito sa office. Lately nga hindi na ko nakakainom, at hindi ko rin hinahanap to. Madalas din na kapag may inuman ay konti lang din naman yung naiinom ko and the rest, puro kain at kwento na lang. Ü SIguro kaya ko naman gawin 'to eh. [Hindi nalang ako aattend ng party kapag may SOBERCLUB, that I can't resist!] And there's no harm in trying naman diba? Makikisama at makikitawa nalang ako sa mga inuman sessions, and of course magpipicture! Hahaha. Kaya ko 'to! Ako pa! Pag ginusto kong tumigil nagagawa ko eh! Hahaha. Ü [Para din hindi na lumaki ang 'bilbil' ko at makabalik na ko sa pagbubuhat! Ü

So.. Dito nalang muna. Naubusan na ko ng sasabihin. Sumakit na ulo ko. Sa susunod ulit. Ü

PANDA LOVIN'!

The "Panda Head" made my day! ♥

Here's the story:

Car Show. World Trade Center.

Naglalakad kami ni Kuya Jason, then I saw a Van of DFM Mini Auto. Nakita ko agad yung ulo ng panda, tapos may kuya na nagsusuot na ng costume. [Nasa sapatos pa lang sya.] Tapos sabi ko "Kuya! Ang cute ng panda! Gusto ko picturan!" Pero dahil nagdadalawang isip ako, pabalik-balik ako dun sa van. At nung hindi na ko nakatiis, ginamitan ko na ng 'charms' si kuya. "Kuya, Pwede po bang picturan yung panda?" Tapos dapat magsusuot sya ng complete costume pero sabi ko kahit ulo nalang. So nagpose sya. Tapos tinodo ko na ang 'charms' ko. "Kuya, pwede ko ba hiramin?" Tapos pinahiram ni kuya! Taaaadaaaah! Ü


And after that, binigyan pa nya kami ni Kuya Jason ng freebie. O-ha! Ü

Fun Times for Fridays! Ü Happy Weekend! Ü

Talamahi is ♥♥♥ !! [PhotoBlog]

** THE COMPLETE CAST.
[L-R: Arnold, Ariel, Jeff, Sanoelk, Louis, Mikel, Virma, Abhie, Clark, Bamba, Kat, and Me.

** C-O-U-T-U-R-E!! Ü

** Out of 400++, this is the ONLY photo of me. As in! If it weren't for Bamba, I wouldn't have anything at all.

** Counseling Session for Ariel and his rehabilitation. Haha! Ü

** Leveling! Ü

** We just have to have a photo in every corner of the resort. Ü

** Oh how we love that 'frame' with the orange background. I think its a bed without a mattress, but who cares? WE LOVE IT! ♥

** Photo before we leave Talamahi. [Minus Mikel.]

** This will be forever in my heart. ♥ I LOVE YOU BENNYs! Ü

© Talamahi. San Diego, Lian, Batangas
July 31 - August 1, 2010

Masaya. Malungkot. Sabaw. Masaya Ulit. Malungkot Ulit.

.....

5 minutes has passed, wala parin akong maisip na intro.. Sheeesh!

Game na nga!

Anu na nga ba mga nangyayari sakin lately? Well, it's been one bumpy ride if you ask me. Madami nang nangyari. Masaya. Malungkot. Mas malungkot. Sabaw Moments. Tapos Masaya ulit. Tapos Malungkot na ulit. Nakakapagod actually, paulit-ulit. Pero ganyan naman talaga diba? Siguro kaya rin ako walang gana magsulat dito dahil baka sabihin lang ng mga babasa "Ay! Ganyan na naman?". Well, hinid naman ako pressured sa kung anu magiging reaction ng mga nagababasa, wala lang. Siguro ayoko lang na sa ibang tao pa mangaling na paulit-ulit na lang yung mga dinadaing ko sa buhay!

Anyway, sa sobrang disoriented ko ay hindi ko talaga alam saan magsisimula. Sige, simulan naten sa masasayang bagay.

JULY 12.
Una na syempre yung nakaraang birthday ko. Masaya naman ako na nadagdagan nanaman ako ng taon, at nabigyan ulit ng pagkakataon para mabuhay pa ng isa pang taon. [Drama?] Iba kasi ngayong taon, simple lang. Nabigyan ng bagong kahulugan ang 'birthday' sakin. Dati kasi nasanay ako na may 'birthday' cake, 'birthday' party, 'birthday' presents, at kung anu-ano pang 'birthday' perks. Pero ngayong taon, hhhhmm.. Wala. Hindi naman totally na wala talaga, wala lang on the day itself, gets? Iba parin kasi pag sa saktong birthday mo nangyayari ang lahat ng 'birthday' perks na yan! And may isa kasing pangyayari na sobrang hindi ko makakalimutan ever..

It was a Monday, and I have work. [Dahil hindi ako pinayagan mag-'birthday' leave, pumasok ako.] Mom texted me to go home early kasi bibili daw sya ng something para may 'dinner' kami. After office, dumaan muna ko kila Louis para kuhanin yung mga pina-DL ko, tapos umuwi na ko. When I arrived home, my friend texted me that he has something for me because it was my birthday, so lumabas muna ako saglit. Habang nasa labas ako, dumating na pala si Mama sa bahay, so nakasalisi kami. And then I received a text message from her; "Sorry bunso if ito lang ang kaya ko, mahirap lang kami ng daddy mo and we can't give you the party that you want. I hope your happy with your friends on your birthday. Happy birthday." Hindi ko alam paano magrereact sa text nya, pero nagreply ako; "Ma, andito lang ako kila Marvin, pabalik na ko." When I arrived home, I hugged her. I explained to her na may binigay lang sakin yung friend ko and that maaga talaga ko umuwi and I was waiting for her. After nun, kumain na kami. Goldilocks, Chowking, pati Ice Cream. Solve! Pero 'Chowking Lauriat' sakin dahil daw 'birthday' ko. At habang kinakain ko yung Chicharap, naiyak ako. Hindi naman kasi ako humihiling ng kahit anong 'magarang' bagay sa birthday ko eh. Mababaw lang kaligayahan ko, at hindi ako demanding. Na-touch naman ako sa 'birthday' treat ni Mama, at kahit tatlo lang kami nun, ok na ko dun. Masaya narin. Dun ko napatunayan na hindi naman kailangan ng mga party-party at kung anu-ano para magkaron ng masayang birthday eh, nasa tao narin yun siguro. Ü Masaya naman yung birthday ko dahil marami parin pala nakakaalala na JULY 12 ang 'tamang' birthday ko. Pero if I were to pick 3 things na pinaka-maaalala ko sa birthday ko ngayong taon, ito na siguro yun: Mom's Chowking Lauriat, Endless Love [VS] Body Splash from Marvin, and a 'power hug' from the 'bestest' 'rock-and-rollest' cousin in the world, Louis. Happy Birthday Melai! Ü

JULY 15.
FHM's 100 Sexiest Women in the World @ The WTC in Pasay. Masaya kasi from Non-VIP tickets, naging VIP Pass! [Thank You Abai!] Super saya! Nag-enjoy ako mag-adore ng mga sexy at magagandang babae [Pili lang ang mga nagustuhan ko.] and the show is great! Magaling yung mga performers! Ü Masarap yung food. [Hooters!] at may moment si Henry. After the show, nagtrip kami na magpapicture sa stage na may 'FHM' backdrop, habang nasa stage na, nagulat akong may lalaking nakahilata sa floor. When I double-checked, it was Henry! His face is covered in his own blood. I freaked out, pero tinulugan ko parin sya, kahit nakakatakot yung stage, ayus lang. Ayun, we called the Medics and nilagya muna ng first aid, tapos chaka sila nagpunta ng hospital ni Arnold. Grabe! One fun-filled night turned out to be an unforgettable moment for us. At dahil jan, nagkaroon ako ng 'NFF' [New Found Friend.] Ok narin. Masaya parin natapos ang gabi. Kahit puyat, pagod, masaya parin! Ü

JULY 16-18.
We went to Zambales. Team April 9 plus 2 [Pau and Em] minus one. [Wala si Dave.] Actually mixed emotions yung na-fi-feel ko at that time. Hindi ko alam, may weird feeling ako, pero naeexcite ako kung anu yun. Anyway, wala ako masyadong kwento about the trip. Masaya kasi nakarating narin akong Potipot. [Na ilang buwan ko nang ikinakatampo kay Louis at Bamba] Kahit lumakas yung ulan, go parin! Masaya din kasi 'super close' na namin ni Bamba, ipinadama nya sakin paano maging isang ina sa walong katao! Hahaha! Ü Basta, nag-enjoy kami sa pabalaik-balik sa palengke, magluto, maghugas ng kung anu-ano. You get the picture. Basta! AYun, anu pa ba? Malungkot din, kasi kung ihahambing ko sya sa una kong punta sa Zambales... Hay naku! Wag na ihambing! Hahaha! Bitter ako! Joooke! Siguro kasi nag-expect lang din ako, pero dahil sa iba narin ang sitwasyon.. Iba din ang mga pangyayari. Loner ako sa trip na to. Loner na, Loser pa. Wala nga din gana si Keri nun eh. [Na-'camera'-nap pa sya ng butihin kong pinsan!] Natulog ako ng maaga para magising ng maaga para magluto. Beat that! Basta, wala na ko masabi. Yun na yun. Masaya. Malungkot. Sabaw. 3 Hit Combo para sa trip na to.

JULY 23.
Had dinner with my most beloved girls; TUSK! Ü Dapat, dine-out somewhere, pero dahil its a Friday, we decided na sa house nalang nila Bits tapos bumili nalang kami ng food. Bonding, pictures, food trip, chickahan, more pictures. And then I had to leave na. :( How I missed those girls, and the five of us together.. [Next time ulit girls! Ü]

Went to meet my HS friends along Rufino. Naglakad ng mahabang-mahaba para maghanap ng Starbucks store na may available na socket para makanuod ng videos on YouTube. Malalang trip na to grabe! At hindi namin pwede kainin ang dala kong cake sa Starbucks, we decided to go to Arnold's house. [Para narin mas mabilis ang WiFi Connection. Haha!] Swiss Chocolate Cake, Benny Lave, Picture.. picture and more picture, FB stalking, and then we called it a night around 3am already! Hahaha! Ü Everybody happy kaya astig ang biglaang 'chorvah' na 'to! Magaling, magaling, magaling! Natututo na tayo na mas masaya ang biglaan! Ü

CURRENTLY..
After ng lahat ng mga nangyari.. Hindi ko parin alam kung bakit may 'torn' feeling ako lately.. Masaya naman pala ako nung mga nakaraang araw.. Pero parang ang default mood ko ay 'malungkot'.. Hindi naman emo.. Basta malungkot lang.. Or bored? Lately kasi ang chill lang ng mga araw ko.. Trabaho, uwi, tulog, gising, trabaho ulit, uwi ulit, etc. Nasanay siguro ako sa 'rakrakang' mga araw. But don't get me wrong, nag-e-enjoy naman ako magpahinga. Hehehe! Ü I need something to refresh myself. Or to divert my attention perhaps..

HOPING. PRAYING.
I have hunches kung bakit ako malungkot pero I tend to ignore those things because I know it won't matter anymore. I know that I can manage.. or that I'll get by.. Siguro nga 'episode' lang 'to sa buhay ko. [Tulad ng pagkabaliw ng pinsan kong mataba!Ü] I'm praying that God will continue to give me strength to go through this. [Siguro my 'emotions' are being tested because He knows that it is my weakest point.] Madalas na kong nahihirapan, and knowing na kinakaya ko lang lahat, parang mas masakit. Parang ang labo yata. Basta ganun! Sana din tuluyan ko nang ma-free yung heart ko from all the hatred, bitterness, and sadness na meron ako ngayon. I hope that in time, I'll be able to look back at all of these things.. and just smile about it. Haaaaay! Pain, pain go away! Abnormal na ko. Ito na naman yung ugali kong hindi ko kailangan problemahin ang mga bagay na nakakapagpalungkot lang sakin. Note to self: HINDI DAPAT!

SAYO.
Sobrang miss na miss na kita. :(( You don't know how much I'm hurting everytime I see you. And it hurts even more thinking that we can never have those times back. Ignoring you doesn't help at all, niloloko ko lang sarili ko. Alam ko namang wala akong karapatan maginarte ng ganito sayo, gusto ko lang ilabas 'to. Baka kasi makaluwag lang sakin. Siguro din kailangan kong i-admit 'to sa sarili ko. Ngayon ko napatunayan na pwede palang maging masakit ang sobrang pagka-miss sa isang tao. Ibang tao kasi yung nakita ko nung mga panahon na yun, at ngayong wala na, alam kong hindi na mababalik yung "tao" na yun. Minsan nang nangyari sakin to, naulit na naman, at ang malas ko dahil sayo pa! Haaaay! Wala naman akong gustong mangyari eh, wala narin naman ako sa position para magdemand. Magdedemand pa ba ko eh hindi ko nga mabigay yung gusto mo dati? Basta.. Miss na miss na miss na kita! :(( If I have one wish..... ✩

TO MY DEAR COUSIN.
Super "Thank you" for everything. As in EVERY-FREAKING-THING! Sa dami ng mga bagay na yun, kulang yung buong blog ko. Hehehe. Salamat kasi, as weird as I am, and as crazy as my thoughts can be, still you listen. Kahit wala nang kwenta mga rants ko sa buhay, nakikinig ka parin! Quits lang tayo, dahil nakikinig din ako sa mga kabaliwan mong hindi ko maintindihan! Hahaha! Salamat sa mga 'power hug' na hindi na halos ako makahinga dahil amoy mandirigma ka minsan. [Hahaha! This is my blog, pwede kita awayin! Ü] Basta.. for being there, for being transparent, for being honest and opinionated.. [Talaga?] SALAMAT! ♥ Matagal pa tayong magkakasama, habaan mo pa ang pasensya ha? Hehehe! Ü [Napansin ko lang.. Namimiss na kita! Sama ka sa weekend ha? Lablab ng madami! ♥]

So, that's it. Wala na ko masabi. It took me 3 hours to compose this post grabe! At naiyak ako ng bongga. [Hindi tuloy ako makasagot ng maayos sa calls.] Dito nalang muna. Ü More masaya-malungkot-sabaw-masaya-malungkot kwentos next time.