Down The Memory Lane.

I could not ask for more.

from Wake Up. by iKeL. Dated May 24, 2010 2:03AM

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive.

- You let me call you "Star" again. At sinabi mo na ako lang ang pwedeng tumawag sa'yo nun.

- April 10 madaling-araw. Asa shore tayo, you're hugging me while leaning your head on my back.

- You gave me a starfish.

- April 10 morning. Bago tayo sumakay ng bangka, without saying anything, you hugged me.

- April 10 afternoon sa tent. We talked like we never did before. I guess nawala na ang migraine. I ended kissing your cheek. Level up.

- Same day. We texted too like we never did. And it's the first time I heard (actually read) you said those "words." I knew you meant it. I'm confident that you did.

- The week after that. How cheesy are we? :)

- April 16. A friend's birthday party. That hug.

- April 17 morning. Before we separate. Accidentally, your lips pressed to mine and you texted me "Gusto mo pa sa lips ha? haha."

- Chill sa MoA. First time. I never thought that you would share those kind of "things" with me. I feel I am special. Thanks for the trust. Awkwardness eliminated. It was the same time you asked me if I believe those "words" that you said to me. I told you I do.

- After that day. We had 'sabaw' (my fault) moment. But you made everything alright.

- Another chill. Sobra mo 'kong pinakaba. After we bought your coffee and while we walk to our "Chill" spot, you shocked me sa sinabi mo na hindi ko alam eh joke lang pala. :) You laughed at my reaction. When we reached our chill spot, you hugged me so tight before the 'sabaw' moment na na'disappoint' ako hehe. Thanks for telling me those things.

- May 5. Dared me to stop smoking for a day. I did, at least for almost 2 weeks. I'm thankful you asked me.

- May 14 with friends. We're making fun of a little chanting girl at the LRT. You had an LSS with the song she's singing.

- May 15 morning at the beach while waiting for our friends. We had a 'review' of something. Tinanong mo ko kung meron pa ba kong gusto itanong. We sat in front of a store, I told you how much I'm hurting, but I'm glad we made everything alright. What's important to me now is how we are doing in the present.

- And yeah, the trike. It was the first. If you just knew how I felt then. :)

- Same day, afternoon. We had casual talks that I wish would last longer.

- We went again to the beach, and walked a long way back home. Your arms locked to mine. Falling stars. You wrote something on my skin using your finger. I knew that you meant it. It still felt like the first time you told me those.

- Same day, evening. We're just chilling outside our friend's house. Tibo/Lab moments. I'll definitely miss that. Another level up. You saw 4 falling stars and I saw 1. I guess we didn't need to say anything that exact time. All I know is that I'm so darn happy to think about other things. 'Far Away', 'Migraine', 'Hangover'. That pinkie promise. Wala nang 'sabawan'. I wished that it'll never end. That sweet escape. Those eyes. And those lips.

- Manila. Sobrang takot ako na 'matatapos' na lahat. Few LRT stations and we're going back to reality. You texted me "I'll miss you.. BIG TIME! :(" I was trying to be casual with my reply but just thinking that our sweet escape is over, is killing me. I'm the one who'll miss you BIG TIME. Promise, na wala nang sabawan. I'm really happy with what we have. :)

These are the moments I'll remember all my life.

I could not ask for more.

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Pathetic. I recovered this post from somewhere. Tagal kong hinanap. Wanted to read it again and again and again. NO OFFENSE MEANT. [Especially to the author.] I just wanted to remind myself that I was this "special" person once. That I was once this way: sweet, simple, happy-go-lucky. I wish I could bring that girl back. =(( I miss her.

Prayer.

Take this pain away, I can no longer take it. I SWEAR! One more day with it, I think my heart will explode. Seriously, THIS. IS. TOO. MUCH. TO. BEAR. What did I ever do to deserve this? This question's been on my mind for a while now. And I haven't found the answer yet. Maybe this, maybe that, but who really knows? All I know is that you have a purpose why these things are happening now.

I'm sorry for being impatient. My agony is killing me. Yes, I am afraid of not knowing what lies ahead. I can't think straight because I am clouded by my emotions. But please, help me on this one. I am weak. And I easily give in to my weakness, thus making me more vulnerable than I already am.

I'm sorry that I make decision when I'm mad. I let my anger take hold of me. I don't like myself when I'm like this. Make it stop. Don't let me do things that I know I will later regret. Help me set things right, even for myself. Guide me through my decisions. Help me remember that that the RIGHT decision isn't always the HAPPY decision. Make me understand that things happens for a reason, and circumstances are meant to give us a lesson.

Fill me with love once again, so I can give love to other as well. Forgive my from my shortcomings, so that I can forgive myself as well, and free me from this guilt. Everything is in your hands now. I surrender you this fight. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. =((

Ayan Ka Nanaman Melissa Joy!

♫♪ Nandyan ka na naman, tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso. Ilang ulit na bang iniiwasan ka di na natuto. Sulyap ng 'yong mata laging nadarama kahit malayo. Nahihirapan na, lalapit-lapit pa di na natuto. Isang ngiti mo lang at ako'y napapaamo. Yakapin mong minsan ay muling magbabalik sa'yo na walang kalaban-laban. Ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang. ♪♫

Oo na. Ito na naman ako, si Melissa Joy, tatalon na naman sa bangin. Wuuuuuzaaaaah! [At ikaw EMMA CRISTINA OBENZA, 'wag ka tatawa-tawa diyan!]

Ganito lang yan: RISK. Kung THIS would turn out fine, eh di ok. Isang masayang araw sa Pebrero? Check. Kung hindi naman, eh di back to square one na naman at iiyak at magpapaka-emo at magttweet ng kung anu-anong naaalibadbaran na si John Benson. Hahaha! =))

Pero seriously, hindi ko alam kung anong laro nanaman meron 'tong si 'FATE' at bakit may ganitong kaganapan sa payak kong araw. Nakakabigla. Nakaksuka. Nakakaexcite. Para na naman akong sasakay sa roller coaster! Aakyat, bababa, paikot-ikot, nakakahilo. Tapos magugulat ka nalang, tapos na yung ride. Am I in for another ride? Malay naten. Pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi. Ayoko mag jump into conclusions pero sana.. sana.. sana my heart would be still. Para di na ko mag-hope. Para less narin yung sakit. Basta.

Ngingiti ako mamaya. Alam ko. Positive.

Dito na lang muna. Bye!

Late Night Rants 2.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? Nagmahal lang ako, pero ganito ang kapalit? Ouch! Sana pala nakipaglokohan lang ako, di siguro ganito kasakit. Pero buti nalang din hindi. At least, alam kong nagbago na ko.

I don't know what to think anymore. In fact, I don't want to think anymore. Of you, of us, of the things around us, everything! I can't stand being disappointed over and over and over again.

I have proven myself that you are not worth my tears, my heartaches, my smiles, my laughter, my time, my effort, my love.. But you know what? This doesn't make me feel any better. So, once again I prove myself wrong.

Ok na 'to.. Sa ngayon. Bye!

Late Night Rants.

Ano January? Matatapos ka na pero ganito pa rin ako, miserable parin. Saya mo ah! Salamat!

Nung Friday, nacheck ako ng mga Predictions ng mga Zodiac Signs for the year 2011, sabi ang Cancer, Aries at Pisces daw swerte sa first quater ng taon. AH TALAGA? Swerte ba 'to? Tama nga ang mga tao, HULA lang yang mga yan, DI TOTOO!

Ayoko nang marining ang 'three-words-eight-letters' na yan. Hindi na ko naniniwala sa totoong laman ng mga salitang yan. Shet!

Alam ko bakit ako minamalas lately.. Malapit na kasi mag-February eh. February and October ang mga buwan na para akong pinaparusahan ng kung sino man. Lahat ng BV nangyayari ng mga buwan na yan. Lalo na yang Valentine's shit na yan! In your face! Hindi na ko magkakaron ng Valentine's chorvah kahit kailan, sumpa na sakin yan. Bakit ba kasi may ganyang tradisyon pang nalalaman. Che!

Napapagod na ko. Hanggang ngayon umiiyak parin ako. Nahihirapan. Nakakatulog ng umiiyak. Miserable. Sana naman kahit paano gumaan na 'tong kaartehan kong 'to. Hindi na nakakatuwa eh. Tama nga sila, hindi mo mapipilit ang sarili mo maging masaya. NEVER! Haaaaay. :((

Last Rant: May bago akong laban na kailangang harapin. Mas mabigat 'to sa lahat! Magbabago buhay ko 'pag nagkataon. :(

Dito muna. Paalam.