there i was, sitting next beside you. crying. hugging you tight. apologizing. telling you to come back. but "no!", you said. "i'm sorry". those words really hit me through. you're asking why, i didn't reply. maybe because i didn't know what to say. you know how i am with talking right? but do you relly know what's all behind this?
i know i hurt you a lot. and i mean A LOT! i've pushed you away, took all your love for granted. those times when you can't seem to understand me. even i couldn't understand myself. I AM CONFUSED. confused of my feelings for you. why you say? because this is the FIRST time i've ever been in a SERIOUS relationship before. and i know you're a keeper, that's why i know this will last. but then, doubts came to me. i started asking questions in my mind that no one could answer. nobody but me. i seeked for GOD's help. but he just seemed to give all HIS answers in an unthinkable ways. HE showed signs but i bet i have my own understanding about things, so i was misleaded by myself. i tried talking to people and all of them were very honest about their opinions, it was i who wouldn't accept it. i tried reading, but i'm afraid fiction is far from reality. i prayed, prayed so hard, for me to find the answer. to en this misery, to be happy all over again.
probably you won't believe me now. told me it was too late. but then again, there's no harm in trying right? i admit i was hurt. badly hurt. but i am not mad at you. seriously, honestly, sincerely. i am not mad at you. i understand your decision.
why am i blogging this? to let people know that, I, even though appears to be happy and smiling, have pain inside me. something of which i was trying to deny for at least 6 months now. and now, it hurts even more accepting the fact that after all the things that has happened, all the things that has been said, all the talks, the cries... i am still in-love with you.
i was the one telling you to move on and forget all about it, but the truth is i was the one trapped. couldn't seem to walk away. afraid to come out of my comfort zone.
*tagalog mode*
takte! di ko na kayang mag-english habang nagpipigil ng luha dito sa netopia at nakikinig ng jologs na rap! pwet!
oo na. baliw na kung baliw. crazy_gurlet_lai nga diba? sorry naman. ngayon ko lang napagtanto lahat to eh. (at dahil yung sa aking bangungot.) siguro sabi nya, "anak! kapag hindi ka pa nataraugan ewan ko nalang!" :D
to make this simple : mahal ko siya! sa likod ng lahat lahat ng mga ginawa kong panlalalaki, pambababae (?), pagpapasawalang bahala, ka-bitteran, pagpapanggap, ka-plastikan! lahat lahat ng yon, ginawa ko para hindi ako magmukhang tanga, kawawa, hopeless romantic, weak! at kung anu-ano pa. oo na mayabang na! sorry naman!
at ngayong alam kong huli na ang lahat.... susuko na ko? hindi noh! kapal mo! huli na nga ako titigil pa ko! ngayong huli na daw ako, panahon na para ako naman ang humabol! magpakumbaba, matutong tumurin ng patas, at higit sa lahat, iluwa ang PRIDE! (kasama na dun ang pagiging overconfident!) ako naman ngayon ang hahabol at aasang isang araw, balang araw, one day, maaabutan din kita. at sasakay na ulit tayo sa "rollercoaster" ride naten.
mahal kita. mahal kita. mahal kita.
*yuck! ang corny ko tae! pagbigyan!*
"punasan mo na mata mo, hindi bagay" -kuya noel
oo na kuya! hindi na iiyak! hehehe. sorry naman sa mga singhutan namin kanina habang nag-do-dota ka! :P
i know i hurt you a lot. and i mean A LOT! i've pushed you away, took all your love for granted. those times when you can't seem to understand me. even i couldn't understand myself. I AM CONFUSED. confused of my feelings for you. why you say? because this is the FIRST time i've ever been in a SERIOUS relationship before. and i know you're a keeper, that's why i know this will last. but then, doubts came to me. i started asking questions in my mind that no one could answer. nobody but me. i seeked for GOD's help. but he just seemed to give all HIS answers in an unthinkable ways. HE showed signs but i bet i have my own understanding about things, so i was misleaded by myself. i tried talking to people and all of them were very honest about their opinions, it was i who wouldn't accept it. i tried reading, but i'm afraid fiction is far from reality. i prayed, prayed so hard, for me to find the answer. to en this misery, to be happy all over again.
probably you won't believe me now. told me it was too late. but then again, there's no harm in trying right? i admit i was hurt. badly hurt. but i am not mad at you. seriously, honestly, sincerely. i am not mad at you. i understand your decision.
why am i blogging this? to let people know that, I, even though appears to be happy and smiling, have pain inside me. something of which i was trying to deny for at least 6 months now. and now, it hurts even more accepting the fact that after all the things that has happened, all the things that has been said, all the talks, the cries... i am still in-love with you.
i was the one telling you to move on and forget all about it, but the truth is i was the one trapped. couldn't seem to walk away. afraid to come out of my comfort zone.
*tagalog mode*
takte! di ko na kayang mag-english habang nagpipigil ng luha dito sa netopia at nakikinig ng jologs na rap! pwet!
oo na. baliw na kung baliw. crazy_gurlet_lai nga diba? sorry naman. ngayon ko lang napagtanto lahat to eh. (at dahil yung sa aking bangungot.) siguro sabi nya, "anak! kapag hindi ka pa nataraugan ewan ko nalang!" :D
to make this simple : mahal ko siya! sa likod ng lahat lahat ng mga ginawa kong panlalalaki, pambababae (?), pagpapasawalang bahala, ka-bitteran, pagpapanggap, ka-plastikan! lahat lahat ng yon, ginawa ko para hindi ako magmukhang tanga, kawawa, hopeless romantic, weak! at kung anu-ano pa. oo na mayabang na! sorry naman!
at ngayong alam kong huli na ang lahat.... susuko na ko? hindi noh! kapal mo! huli na nga ako titigil pa ko! ngayong huli na daw ako, panahon na para ako naman ang humabol! magpakumbaba, matutong tumurin ng patas, at higit sa lahat, iluwa ang PRIDE! (kasama na dun ang pagiging overconfident!) ako naman ngayon ang hahabol at aasang isang araw, balang araw, one day, maaabutan din kita. at sasakay na ulit tayo sa "rollercoaster" ride naten.
mahal kita. mahal kita. mahal kita.
*yuck! ang corny ko tae! pagbigyan!*
"punasan mo na mata mo, hindi bagay" -kuya noel
oo na kuya! hindi na iiyak! hehehe. sorry naman sa mga singhutan namin kanina habang nag-do-dota ka! :P
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