Longing.

"if you want me to go, then say it. if you want me to stay, then show it. don't be afraid. don't break this heart of mine. now's the time, if i'm right, then we've come to the end of the line. :( "

if i were aware where that line lies, then i would have been prepared that somewhat i was near the end of it. I AM TRYING so hard to forget you, and yet, the memory keeps hunting me. i know i know i should ignore it, but, it just seems so hard to do. i feel so.. so.. *blank*!

it wasn't just any relationship. (believe me!) hindi lang naman kasi "boyfriend" nawala sakin eh. best friend, dada, partner in crime, iyakan, baby, at marami pang iba. sabi ko nga he's my "everything-on-it" pizza! hay! kaya siguro ganun nalang din talagang kahirap bumitaw agad. mukha nga akong tanga eh! hindi lang tanga bulag-bulagan pa. anu na ba kasi kailangan ko ma-feel? kairita na eh. ayokong-ayoko nacoconfuse eh. kasi naiisip ko, kung ganun nalang kadali bitawan lahat yun ibig sabihin walang kwenta yun? i believe not.

pero sabi nga ni kuya noel sakin (at hindi sya mahilig mag-advice kaya naappreciate ko talaga!) na kung naniniwala parin daw ako na kami nga eh i'll just have to pray and have faith. kasi daw kahit walang efforts from both parties eh maibabalik yun. kung ayaw ni GOD wala na tayong magagawa, kung papayagan naman nya eh di maghintay nalang. patience is the key. (eh wala ako nun!) so for now. i'll just have to continue my life.... without him. sabi nga nya, mahirap talaga gawin. basta daw i'll just ahve to keep in mind that "no strings attached" means back to ZERO! as in wala! kalimutan ang lahat-lahat! (mahirap oo!) and always be on the safe side, dahil itong time na ito yung pinaka-crucial dahil masyadong "fragile" ang mga emotions. kaya ayun. bahala na si GOD. naniniwala parin ako, pero kung wala na talaga sana patigilin narin nya ko kakapaniwala sa kung anu man.

mahirap kasi yung naka-hang. ewan ha? pero sa kahit saang bagay naman diba mahirap talaga yun? hindi makagalaw kasi naka-hang. hindi maka-urong, wala. kaya nga i keep praying ng "better days" para naman kahit baby steps umuurong na rin ako. naglolook ahead sa "end ng tunnel" pero patuloy na lumilingon sa iniwanan. hay hay hay! prayer warriors.. please ha?

basta. kaya toh! iwas "sentihan" nalang muna. linisin mga dapat linisin. itabi, itago ang mga bagay-bagay. para mas madali! hahaha. in short maglinis ng kwarto! hahahaha. ah basta yun na! sige sige at nangaagaw nanaman tong si dad sa pc. ciao!