Somewhere In Between.

Hey hey hey! It's April already. Haven't blog for almost a month now because of the busy schedule last March. [Thank God that Broadway blahs are over!]

It's been one rock n' rollin' month if you ask me. I've been always on the go [No to idle moments, as what my friends would always say.] and always doing something. I'm slowly starting to feel the pressure since the Youth Camp is fast approaching and I'm not [spiritually] geared up yet. I still have issue within myself [And no, I'm not confused with my sexuality. Haha!] that I seriously need to resolve..fast! And now, instead of making a 'readable' post, I am ranting. [Forgive me. And hey! It's my blog anyway.]

April. Haaaaaaaay. You've been so special to me ever since... forever? I don't know. It's just that summer is my favorite time of the year [And not because of summer flings! Haha!] where you're entitled to bum around, hit the beach, enjoy the sand, be tan and be in at the same time, everything under the sun! Expect the sun to be always smiling at you everyday from now on until the summer season ends. Yes it will be very hot, but it's the kind of heat that you'll really enjoy! [If I'll have a chance, I'd join ABS-CBN's Summer Station ID just to express how I really love summer. Haha!] And having to write this paragraph about it puts a smile to my face.. Aaaaaahh.. SUMMER! Ü

But now.. I don't know. I think something's taking a hold of me enjoying my most awaited time of the year. So yeah, I am somewhere in between.

Malikot Na Utak Sa Madaling Araw.

-- Natatakot ako magtiwala ulit ng lubusan pero alam kong dito ako masaya kahit may pagdadalawang [pagtatatlong, at pagaapat] isip parin ako.

-- Ayoko nang maulit yung sakit na naramdaman ko nung mga nakalipas na buwan, as in ayoko na. Sana hindi na maulit pa. Sana.

-- Ang hirap pala kapag tiwala ang nasira, lahat damay.

-- Nawalan din ako ng tiwala sa sarili ko nung nawalan ako ng tiwala sa kanya.

-- Masakit parin kapag naiisip ko yung mga bagay-bagay. Nandiyan na yan, di na maaalis.

-- Masaya ako kahit may mga ganitong kaisipan ako. Sana magtagal ito. Sana.

-- Lulubusin ko na habang nandito pa, at kapag nawala, walang sisihan.

At bago ko tapusin 'to, bibirit muna ko.. ♫♪ And all I can do is hope and pray.. Cause heaven knows.. ♪♫ Sige na dito na lang muna. Random. Che! Okthanksbye.

Grenade.

Grenade
A Bruno Mars Cover by Gabe Bondoc

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble
from the first kiss,
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I’d jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back
To where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then
Rip the breaks out my car

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I’d jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You’ d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I’d jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby;
But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

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Yeah. I know I almost killed Bruno Mars on my mind.. But hey! THIS IS GABE BONDOC! And whatever he sings just makes my heart melt.. Kahit pa simpleng ABC yan! Hahahaha! And I find the lyrics very... interesting? Hahaha! But seriously, this song got me when I hear a female trio on AI who performed this during the Hollywood week for the Group challenge. And since I also found the video of it, I'd gladly share it with you. Ü [The first girl has STUNNING voice! Wish I can sing like that! ♥]

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:((

Umalis ako ng Manila (Nang biglaan.) para kahit paano eh sandaling takasan ang kasalukuyang nangyayari. Pero kahit gaano kalayo ang tahakin ko, humahabol ito na parang multo. Wow! Emo post coming up!

Sorry. Nakaka-emo lang talaga. Kaya ayoko ng malapit sa dagat eh. Hinihila ako lagi para umiyak at maglabas ng sama ng loob. :((

So ayun na nga. Naisip ko, pwede naman ako umalis na sa sitwasyon ko para hindi na malungkot eh. Pero di ko kaya. At naiinis ako dahil habang tumatagal at habang gumugulo lalo at sitwasyon, mas napapatunyan ko lang kung gaano ako ka-martyr.. Sobra! Taena! Bipolar na ampft. Ewan ko ba. Basta ang alam ko nasasaktan na ko, pero mas gusto ko na 'to kaysa sa walang maramdaman. Mahirap oo, pero pareho namang mahirap kahit tumigil ako eh. I guess its a lose-lose situation. Haha! May ganun ba? Ewan.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw napatunyan ko rin na masarap mag-blog kapag lasing! Hahaha! :))

Sa Isip.. Sa Salita.. At Sa..

Ano nga ba yung huling linya sa 'Panatang Makabayan'? Sa isip, sa salita, at sa? Tama! GAWA! Tama. Sa gawa.

May nagsabi sakin kagabi.. 'Sana di lang 2 out of 3 nagagawa niya noh?' 'Ewan ko. Diskarte na niya yun.'

Ayoko na mag-impose, or mag-demand ng kung anu man. Wala na akong karapatan. Maghihintay nalang ako. Parang paghintay ko sa bonus namin.. Mukhang malabo, pero naniniwala akong dadating. :D

Gusto ko lang may masabi. Naiinis ako eh. Dito nalang. I'm out!