Sunduin Mo Na Ko PLease? :(

there i was, sitting next beside you. crying. hugging you tight. apologizing. telling you to come back. but "no!", you said. "i'm sorry". those words really hit me through. you're asking why, i didn't reply. maybe because i didn't know what to say. you know how i am with talking right? but do you relly know what's all behind this?

i know i hurt you a lot. and i mean A LOT! i've pushed you away, took all your love for granted. those times when you can't seem to understand me. even i couldn't understand myself. I AM CONFUSED. confused of my feelings for you. why you say? because this is the FIRST time i've ever been in a SERIOUS relationship before. and i know you're a keeper, that's why i know this will last. but then, doubts came to me. i started asking questions in my mind that no one could answer. nobody but me. i seeked for GOD's help. but he just seemed to give all HIS answers in an unthinkable ways. HE showed signs but i bet i have my own understanding about things, so i was misleaded by myself. i tried talking to people and all of them were very honest about their opinions, it was i who wouldn't accept it. i tried reading, but i'm afraid fiction is far from reality. i prayed, prayed so hard, for me to find the answer. to en this misery, to be happy all over again.

probably you won't believe me now. told me it was too late. but then again, there's no harm in trying right? i admit i was hurt. badly hurt. but i am not mad at you. seriously, honestly, sincerely. i am not mad at you. i understand your decision.

why am i blogging this? to let people know that, I, even though appears to be happy and smiling, have pain inside me. something of which i was trying to deny for at least 6 months now. and now, it hurts even more accepting the fact that after all the things that has happened, all the things that has been said, all the talks, the cries... i am still in-love with you.

i was the one telling you to move on and forget all about it, but the truth is i was the one trapped. couldn't seem to walk away. afraid to come out of my comfort zone.

*tagalog mode*

takte! di ko na kayang mag-english habang nagpipigil ng luha dito sa netopia at nakikinig ng jologs na rap! pwet!

oo na. baliw na kung baliw. crazy_gurlet_lai nga diba? sorry naman. ngayon ko lang napagtanto lahat to eh. (at dahil yung sa aking bangungot.) siguro sabi nya, "anak! kapag hindi ka pa nataraugan ewan ko nalang!" :D

to make this simple : mahal ko siya! sa likod ng lahat lahat ng mga ginawa kong panlalalaki, pambababae (?), pagpapasawalang bahala, ka-bitteran, pagpapanggap, ka-plastikan! lahat lahat ng yon, ginawa ko para hindi ako magmukhang tanga, kawawa, hopeless romantic, weak! at kung anu-ano pa. oo na mayabang na! sorry naman!

at ngayong alam kong huli na ang lahat.... susuko na ko? hindi noh! kapal mo! huli na nga ako titigil pa ko! ngayong huli na daw ako, panahon na para ako naman ang humabol! magpakumbaba, matutong tumurin ng patas, at higit sa lahat, iluwa ang PRIDE! (kasama na dun ang pagiging overconfident!) ako naman ngayon ang hahabol at aasang isang araw, balang araw, one day, maaabutan din kita. at sasakay na ulit tayo sa "rollercoaster" ride naten.

mahal kita. mahal kita. mahal kita.

*yuck! ang corny ko tae! pagbigyan!*

"punasan mo na mata mo, hindi bagay" -kuya noel

oo na kuya! hindi na iiyak! hehehe. sorry naman sa mga singhutan namin kanina habang nag-do-dota ka! :P

Stop It MELISSA!

naku! ngayon ko lang narealize na super "init" pala ng recent post ko. tsk! hay! sabi nga ni ikel, kala mo walang bagyo sa init ng paninibugho ko. sorry naman! talagang galit na galit lang ako kagabi! (dahil walang pasok! hahaha.) ah basta! may dahilan ang lahat kung bakit ako ganito. for now, hindi ko muna sya ma-identify. nakakaasar kasi eh. MEAN GURL nanaman labas ko nito. oh well. melai maldita ika nga nila. sorry naman!

ganito nalang. daanin nalang naten sa kanta ang lahat. may na-discover akong kanta na super nagrereflect ng mga 'emotions" ko ngayon. ewan ko ba. kaasar talaga! basta sana ngayon mabasa nya toh at maisip nyang sya pinapatunguhan ng kantang toh! (this time ikaw toh! magulo ka! tae!) so this is it.. walk away by paula deanda..

i saw you with your new girl just yesterday and i feel that i must confess
even though it kills me to have to say i'll admit that i was impressed
physically just short of perfection, gotta commend you on your selection
though i know i shouldn't be concerned
in the back of my mind i can't help but question
does she rub your feet when you've had a long day?
scratch your scalp when you take out your braids?
does she know that you like to play PS2 till 6 in the morning like i do

i can't explain this feeling
i think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me
walk away, walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me

i can't forget how we used to be, our life from day to day
hoping maybe you'll come back
and though i tell myself not to be afraid to move on but it seems i can't
though a new man has given me attention it ain't the same as your affection
though i know i should be content
in the back of my mind i can't help but question
does he kiss me on the forehead before we play?
show up on my doorstep with a bouquet?
does he call me in the middle of the day just to say "hey baby i love you"?
like you used to

i can't explain this feeling
i think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me
walk away, walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me

so hard to express this feeling
cause nobody compares to you
and you know she'll never love you like i do

i can't explain this feeling
i think about it everyday
and even though we've moved on
it gets so hard to walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me
walk away, walk away
i'm gonna remember you
you're gonna remember me

USER NA, BITTER PA!

"USER" = taking advantage of a person's capabilities, strengths, possessions, etc. / sa tagalog gumagamit ng ibang tao para sa sariling kapakanan at benepisyo, iniisip lang ang sarili, at wala talagang pakielam sa taong "ginagamit". importante ay makuha lang ang gusto! / sa mas simple sense basta't may nilapitan kang tao at nakinabang ka sa kanya, pero sya hindi nakinabang sayo, USER ka na nun!

"BITTER" = a person who is filled with hatred because of a past relationship that didn't work out / a person who can't let go of his / her past love even though the whole world is showing him / her the reasons to move on / sa tagalog galit ka sa EX mo sa simpleng bagay na nag-break na kasi kayo, galit ka sa kanya, hindi maiiwasan yun, nasa phase ng moving on yun eh! (kaya ako, hindi ako naniniwala sa mga taong hindi galit sa ex nila nung bagong break sila! kapal ng mukha nyo! bait-baitan kayong lahat!) anu pa ba? bitter? kapag hindi mo gusto pag-usapan yung tungkol sa inyo ng ex mo, hindi ka pa handang harapin yung fact na wala na kayo. halimbawa kabarkada mo ex mo tas nagtatablahan kayo, BITTER ka nun!

"MELAI" = babaeng maharot, baklang babae, maarte (super!), kikay (over), masipag (definitely!), impatient (when it comes to some things!), una bibig bago gawa, mahilig sa mga "heart to heart" talks basta takapakinig lang sya, malakas mang-asar (lalo na kay jill), mataray (pag kay MARK ANDREW LIM UN! -joke lang), madali ma-in love, mas madali ma-fall out of love, HINDI NAGPAPAHALAGA NG TAONG NAGMAMAHAL SA KANYA, WALANG INIISIP KUNDI SARILI NYA, vain, camera addict, creative / artsy, hilig sa pets, maingay super, magaling gumiling!, and the best of all USER NA BITTER PA! san ka pa diba? ako lang ang melai na ganyan! yung IBANG MGA MELAI hindi ganyan! mabait, mahinhin, walang kaaway at walang inaaway, matino, MATALINO, MAGANDA, BASTA PERFECT!

*ewan ko ba! may sanib lang ako, pero naku, alam kong lahat ng sinabi ko dito, i mean it! why? umuusok daliri ko habang ginagawa ko tong post ko na toh eh! kahit relaxing background music ko hindi nya kinya force ko! hay!

*oh ano? may masasabi ka pa? sige sabihin mo lang ng maidagdag ko dito! ayan ha! hindi ko na masyado inangat sarili ko baka kasi sabihin mo naman biased ako.

*dito muna. tsss. (mga kapatid, quiet nalang kay mama ha? baka pagalitan nanaman ako pag nalaman eh! dito lang ako naglalabas ng stress. sorry!)

Aaaawww.. I Missed School.. :(

no classes today. first, feast of st. dominic. second, super typhoon kaya up to college level suspended ang classes. 8am palang gising na ko, i finished my work for my OJT, then after that almost 2 hours akong nabaliw kakahanap ng takip ng USB ko. tae! hinalughog ko na buong kwarto namin. nagwalis, nag-urong ng mga gamit, nagligpit, umiyak, and at last, nung nagdecide ako humiga sa bed nila mama... CHEDENG! nahigaan ko sya. saya saya noh? hay! kabuang talaga!

anyways, since i know this will be a boring day at home, i decided to call some of my friends to go out. yup! go out kahit may super typhoon! we went sa rob. me, xiuxiu, and kat. foodtrip sa chowking and sa breadtalk! (my first time! berries and cream! yum yum!) then after that we watched ratatouille. ang saya saya nung movie. hay! i've been wanting to see that movie kaya lang walang time, kaya ayan! nung nagkaron ng chance, grab agad! hahaha. pati i haven't seen them in a while kaya i guess its a good timing! weee! basta supah enjoi! thanks for the treat xiu. and thanks for the uber chickas kat! :D next time sa malate na ito ah? with mile & keiki na syempre! :D

i missed school! waah! namiss ko blockmates ko, yung training namin, yung "hi pepe!" ni ey, yung pang-aasar kay jill, yung bungal na ngipin ni son, yung cabuyao group, yung mga "chicha minute" sa room! at syempre si crush! oo namiss ko si crush! :D *kilig factor* si MARK ANDREW LIM UN namiss ko din! pati si IRISH "ANNE" OCHOA! eto talaga super namiss ko. tae 5 days straight kami hindi naghiwalay nyan eh! hahaha. pati sino pa ba? si sir nuevo namiss ko! hahaha. ewan! basta i've missed UST in general!

anu pa ba masasabi ko? wala lang. nag-blog lang ako for the sake na may update ako. ayoko na muna "manuligsa" ng ibang tao, or "ma-emote" tulad ng nararamdamn ko ngayon. maybe tomorrow nalang! wala naman class eh! hahaha. :D

oh sya sya till here muna. byeee! keep reading MARK ANDREW LIM UN and IRISH OCHOA!!

Bond Girl!

i hate mondays. first of all, it's the start of a new looong week ahead. secondly, there's still a 'hang-over' of your weekend happenings. third, i usually arrive late at school during mondays. but its different this time.

i got up at around 7am, only to find out na wala pa pala akong uniform for the day! (ayan! napa-tagalog na tuloy ako! dumudugo na ilong ko eh! hahaha!) so ayun na nga, pag-gising ko wala pa pala ako uniform. nakatulog na kasi agad ako kagabi. super pagod dahil sa training. (tae! 2 sayaw sa isang araw! tsk!) tapos mejo puyat pa ko dahil walang '8-hour sleep' kaya ayun, bumawi! 8pm palang kagabi tulog na ko, kaya hindi na ko nakalaba ng uniform. buti nalang maaga ako nagising!

at dahil sa maaga ako nagising, maaga din ako nakapasok dahil sana gagawa ako ng reaction paper, eh yung mga magagaling kong classmates na girls hindi na gagawa, kaya naki-join na ko! hahaha! tamad! pero buti nalang hindi pina-pass ng prof yun kaya lusot! :D 10:50 palang nasa tapat na ko ng classroom! (yes! 10 mins. earlier!) ang saya kasi i know the week will go smoothly dahil hindi ako late ng monday! magandang start! hahaha.

mejo hindi stressful ang araw today dahil puro discussions. blah blah blah. boring boring boring! kaya habang nag-lelecture ang mga prof, palihim kaming gumagawa ng technicals namin for our feasib! since magkakatabi kaming magkakagroup, walang problema sa 'brainstorming'. (naks! hehehe.)

after class, jill, marga, eucha and me went straight sa SM san lazaro para mag-canvass ng mga equipments and utensils for our PFS. pero dahil pagod kami, we had our uber late lunch at pizza hut! since may palm card si marga sulit na! hahaha. CHEESY POPS! yumyum! tas ayun, meeting galore sa pizza hut. at syempre GIRL BONDING! sa kabila ng mejo toxic na feasib nakuha pa naming pag-usapan ang mga kalandian at kakikayan ng bawat isa! hahaha. super enjoy kasi mejo nagiging super close na talaga kami! :D

after eating, we went sa appliance center sa SM. super asikaso ang mga sales clerk samin, with all details pa. at may khemeng brochure pa na binigay. akala ata bibili talaga kami. eh kasi naman tong mga kasama ko eh.. "maganda sa office tong ganitong ref!!" "dapat 2 wall clock naten!" "yung water dispenser dapat hot and cold!" at ang pinaka malupit na hirit ni jill.. "dapat yung store may sound system!" hahahaha! tapos nagtatanong pa kami about sa delivery nila ng appliances kaya feeling ko naniwala silang bibili kami. well well well.. pag feasible naman ang project namin bibili kami eh! hahaha.

after ng lahat na yun, nagpunta naman kami sa department store. mga utensils naman. nakita pa namin sila vani and rizza doing the same thing. :D (hay naku! mas masipag talaga girls pagdating sa feasib! boys! galaw galaw naman jan! kaya lumalaki 'eyebags' ng girls eh!). anyway, after ng lahat lahat na yun, since nasa department store na kami, angwindow shop narin kami. from shoes to bags to gimmick outfits. ang saya! tas andami na agad plan. nood ng movie, starbucks, gimmick, grad pic, lahat na ata! kaso ang madalas na dahilan. 'busy kasi eh!' hay! student life talaga has its pros and cons. tsk!

after that umuwi na kami dahil ang sakit na ng mga balikat at legs namin sa bigat ng mga bag at taas ng heels namin. along the way, walang kaming ibang topic kundi si mar-b. haaay! marb marb marb! pasalamat ka samin na naiintindihan ka namin. wait! let me rephrase that.. pasalamat ka samin dahil INIINTINDI ka namin! hahaha. okei lang yan! basta sana yung focus mo mabalik mo. mejo kailangan na naten ng 'manpower' eh. hehehe.

so ayun. masaya ang araw. sana masaya din ang buong linggo. sana hindi ito mabahiran ng stress! aba! kailangan na namin magpagada.. lapit na grad pic eh! hahaha. (tsk! gastos nanaman ito kay mama! peace!) basta sana masaya tong week na to. :D

so dahil masaya ang monday, gusto kong ipagpatuloy ang kasiyahan sa pamamagitan ng pagtulog ng maaga! kaya dito nalang muna ang aking post. babayuu!

p.s.

binabati ko nga pala ang pinakamasugid kong taga-basa. MARK ANDREW LIM UN! salamat salamat salamat! hayaan mo tuturuan kita sa recitation sa entrep bukas! hahaha. :D