Drama Much.

why is this sudden feeling of sadness in me? recently i have been having the time of my teenage life, but now this? why the sudden change? what's come over me? why am i feeling this way? so many questions but the answers seem hard to find. i'm so confused. i'm trying my best to clear out my mind but all of those things keep rushing back to me. you may be wondering by now what the heck am i talking about. well honestly, i don't really know! every night, i can't help but cry myself to sleep. why? because of the things that has been happening to me lately. i can no longer pretend that everything is okay when the fact is it's not! well if you're thinking that this has got to do with my so-called love life, you're right! but it's not just about it. lately i've been hanging with my new "circle of friends" and i'm definitely enjoying it. it's so easy to be myself whenever i'm aroud them, i don't need to pretend or anything, i just have to be myself. i can comfortably talk to them about aything anytime i want. then my other friend told me that i've changed, that i no longer join them and that i've been a little cold to them. honestly, i'm not aware of what she's saying! what does she want me to do? hang with the group of "couples" and look like the odd one out? duh! i don't think so! of course i myself need a "sense of belonging". that's why lately i've been avoiding them, but not totally! that's one of my dilemmas! another is of course my "father"! i don't really know what's going on inside his head that makes him want to shout all the time. andropose? i don't think so! it's just that whenever he asks for a favor it would be in a VERY VERY annoying manner. and then he would go ballistic and shout if someone does wrong! "what a man, sarap tadyakan!" anyway, i think he would not change his attitude that's why we really have to have lots of PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING! (how am i gonna do that?)

and the thing that really bugs me lately is of course my so-called love life! oh i mean like life. it's just that, this time it's different. i've never felt this way since "raefel" pa! i know i should never expect something, but what if his actions are telling it? but he makes it clear that we're just friends! and whenever i don't feel like talking to him, it will really bother him! i just can't get it out of my head (kylie minouge?). everytime i'm alone, all that i think about is him, us, and everything else. gosh! i feel so desperate! why? just why the heck am i like this? why is it affecting me this way? i know i sound STUPID to you, but this is me. sometimes i can be like this. (and in times like this i really don't like myself.) i don't want to fall for him cause i know that it will not be that easy, but then why am i like this? a night would never pass without me thinking about him. grrrrrr! well then, i think i should end this crap. it's going nowhere. till here.