Even The Best Fall Down...Sometimes.

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This, by far, is the worst state my heart has been.

I can't breathe.

I don't want to deal with this pain.

And I make no sense.

Breaking Free.

"Why can't boys understand that girls can handle honesty?" This has been one of my (daily) rants since.. 2011 and yet one person made me stand up and (slow) clap for understanding the gravity of honesty. :)

"You deserve to know." Yes, everyone deserves to know something (as soon as possible, as truthful as possible, and as detailed as possible) especially if you really value that person.

"Thank you." That conversation (as short as it was) made me realize one thing, that God indeed answers our deepest, most sincere prayers, in His own way..in His own time. I feel so blessed because now, I am free. Free from all inhibitions, doubts, anxieties, "what ifs", "why nots", and stuff. (Yes, it's all in plural form, except for stuff. Haha! Kidding..)  

YWABIMHA.

PS: As short and as vague as this post was, I hope you did get what I'm trying to say. Ktnxbye.

Thank You For The Broken Heart.

Thank You For The Broken Heart
By: J Rice


Everything I know about love I learned from you
And everything I know about pain I learned from you
You were my only, you were my first
You showed me lonely and you took me in when I was hurt
But the most important thing you ever gave me
You was the one that hurt the most

So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
Cause if it wasn't for you
I might forget how it feels to let go
And how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart

I still remember when you called
And said that he didn't admit anything
How could you expect me to look at you the same way
You were my only but not my last
You showed me lonely and you made me put you in the past
The most important thing you ever gave me was the one that hurt the most

So thank you for the broken heart, oh yeah
And thank you for the permanent scar
Cause if it wasn't for you
I might forget how it feels to let go
And how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart

And every time I find myself alone in pieces
I find myself I'll just remember when you hurt me and I made it

So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
Cause if it wasn't for you
I wouldn't be here with the love of my life all my pain disappear
I've come so far
So thank you for the broken heart
I thank you.. I thank you
For the broken heart

#25ThingsImThankfulFor

This is just a consolidated post from my Twitter.. (Because sometimes you cannot compress your thoughts into just 140 characters.) 

25. NO ACCOUNTING CLASSES! - This was the first good news I received today! Reporter ako dapat for my Accounting class later and I'm not that prepared, so when I got the text from my Prof.. Hindi ko mapigilan yung ngiti ko. (Kung pwede mag-jumpshot ginawa ko na!) It's one thing to go to school (After work) on your birthday, pero yung ako pa yung magrereport? Naaaaamaaaan! Kaya buti nalang talaga di natuloy! Weeeee! GOOD VIBES!

24. MY JOB. - (Even though my entire core hates it.) My job pays for my bills, my "wants" and when I have extra, I get to treat my family and buy something for Ysabella. Its also where I get my tithe from. So simply put.. JOB = FINANCIAL BLESSINGS = THANKFUL!

23. RUNNING and BOXING. - Two of my favorite stress-busters. I started running March 2011 because I want to strengthen my knees and my lungs. Boxing was my "delayed" planned since college, so when I got the chance to visit Elorde Taft, I immediately signed-up. Though lately I'm not doing trainings because of other stuff. (Hope to get back soon...est!)

22. APPLE GADGETS. - iPod, iTouch, iPhone, iPad, MacBook Pro..etc. They're simply the coolest thing there is! From the design, technology, interface, and of course the apps on the AppStore... AWESOME!

21. THE BEAUTIFUL BEACHES OF OUR COUNTRY. - I love going to the beach.. They're very calm and relaxing. And little did we know that there's a lot of beautiful beaches here in our country.. And I wish to go to all of them someday.. *wishful thinking*

20. USHER, JORDAN KNIGHT, MAROON 5, JOHN MAYER. - For writing songs that speaks my heart.. CHAROT! I love love LOVE their songs!  

19. BBM. (BlackBerry Messenger) - Friendship knows no distance.. Whaddup BBM friends! Ang dali mag-chikahan gamit ang BBM.. From Pasay to Makati to Quezon City to Mindanao to India to Dubai.. Kala mo magkakalapit bahay lang kung mag-tsismisan! Hahaha! =) 

18. INSANITY and SHAUN T. - For pushing me to "dig deeper". Yan ang paulit-ulit na sinasabi ni Shaun T every workout. It may be insane...but it's all good. You'll thank him for your hardcore abs someday.

17. WONKA CANDIES. - Nerds, Gobstoppers, Runts, Pixy Stix, SweeTarts, Bottle Caps, etc... THEY ARE THE SWEETEST! Need I say more? 

16. MY BABY BOYS. - Josh Acosta, Batch Santero, Bagz Santero, James Umbal, Frank Lee, and of course.. JAMEEL ESCOBER. The sweetest boys I know. I love being an "Ate" to them.. Yan ang mga binabantayan ko, mahirap na.. They "might" break the hearts of SO many girls. Hahaha! =))

15. EX-BFs, FLINGS, CHORVAHS, ALMOSTS. (Whatever you want to call it.) - You've made me stronger by breaking my heart.. Yun na! HAHAHAHA! =))

14. RANDOM FRIENDS, NEW FOUND FRIENDS. - I am learning so much from you and your behavior.. (Not a bad thing.) at least I know hindi pa ako ganun ka-loner, I can still mingle with my fellow humanoids.

13. GODDAUGHTERS AND GODSONS. - And their parents as well, for trusting that I can guide their child/children in the right way. I swear, I'll do everything I can to put up with that responsibility. Thank you for the opportunity.. Pwede na yata ako maging ULIRANG NINANG AWARD sa dami ng inaanak ko.. SWEAR! Lagpas 20 na! But no worries.. I love them all!

12. THE MARIANO CLAN. -From our Grandparents to our Uncles & Aunties, down to the "apo sa tuhod".. I'm thankful for all of them. Even though we only see each other on special occasions, we still have that "close family ties". And the genes.. MY GOODNESS! Look at the family.. Ubod ng ganda't gwapo! =) LOVE YOUR OWN!

11. YOUTH CAMP 2005. - Even if its 7 years ago, I will be forever thankful for this Youth Camp because it paved the way for me to really know, accept, and declare that God is the ruler of my life. *tears* To all the Ates and Kuyas back then, who inspires the Ates and Kuyas now to guide and nurture the youth of our church; To all the lessons instilled in our hearts up until now (Hopefully); To the friendships we've formed; To Dalo, who still remained to be a close friend of mine.. amidst all that has happened; To my first ever LOVE BANQUET with my Ate Kat (That I swear halos ikamatay ko kakaiyak at di na ko makahinga.) and; To my new found sister (back-then) Ate Jojie, who shares the same sentiments regarding "daddy issues" (Na bonggang-bongga naming iniyakan din nung panahon na yun.) I can still vividly (Oo! Vividly!) remember every memory I've had in those 5-days. Basta.. I am thankful for that specific event in my life! I won't forget it...ever!

---------- SHUCKS! BREAK MUNA! NAIYAK AKO NG BONGGA! Emotional ang peg ngayong? :p ----------

10. CCS. (Commerce Cheering Squad) and Coach Ajjie Mendelebar. - All that I've learned in dancing/cheering - dance techniques, skills, hard work, teamwork, determination - you we're with me. For sharing that same passion for dancing for the Commerce Community and for the friendship that just doesn't end "on the floor" when we bring it.. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.. I thank God for all of you. Meeting you and being on a team with you was no accident. Iba-ibang ugali, pero lahat nag-click. I'll always be a proud member of the COMMERCE CHEERING SQUAD! Thank you for making my stay in UST more meaningful and memorable!

9. EMC DANCE MINISTRY. - For having the same desire to worship, praise, honor, serve and glorify God thru our body movements, talents, skills.. thru our dance. Thank you. May we continue on with this ministry for as long as our bodies can. One heart. One dance. One GOD. EMC DANCE!

8. YCC. (Youth Coordinating Council) - The opportunity to be of service to God and to the Youth, the responsibility we have to attend to, the initiative that we have to instill in our hearts and minds to plan activities, the team that God designed to do His works.. All of these.. PRICELESS! 3-time Treasurer.. Booyah!

7. MIDWEEK FELLOWSHIP / PRAYER MEETING GROUP. - Our usual Sundays are not enough, hence, we have to have another day set aside to have our "weekly dose" of God's wisdom and teachings and to have time to pray together and be in fellowship with one another. Bonus nalang na you get to do it with your closest friends. Sana magtuloy-tuloy pa 'to.. Bits, Chasha, Jai, Jas.. *fist bump* (With the guidance of Pas Caloy and Tita Necy) (And we hope makasama pa namin ng mas madalas yung iba..)

6. BEST FRIEND-TURNED-LOVER-TURNED-SWORN ENEMY-TURNED-BEST FRIEND... - Ikaw talaga! You can be all of these at once, you know that? Haha! But seriously, 18 years of friendship?  (And counting) That's something to be really thankful for. Thank you because you "switch gears" whenever you need to.. And I know I'm a bit crazy (Especially when PMSing or birthday's coming..) but you manage to "manage" me.. Gets? All other things I wish to tell you, I'll tell it in person nalang.. (This post is about me, not about you! Chot!)

5. GRANDPARENTS. - Mr. Guillermo Mariano and Mrs. Elisa Atienza-Mariano. Ang ugat ng magandang lahi ng mga Mariano. Even though we only have one pair of grandparents, they're still the best! Hindi nagkulang! Naalagaan (Kahit paano) lahat ng apo, memorize lahat ng FULL NAMES ng mag-anak, laging "may inaabot" kahit na hindi na dapat, at laging humahalik kapag may pagkakataon. Mahal ko yan, mahal namin yan! At kahit na isang pares lang ipinagkaloob samin, sobra-sobra pa sa pagmamahal ng lolo't lola naibigay niyang mga yan saming lahat.. (Trivia: Si Grandpa ang first ever binigyan ko ng dugo dahil ako lang yata ang Type A+ sa pamilya nung time na kinailangan niya. I swear, kung pwedeng 2 bag ang punuuin ko para sa kanya, ginawa ko. Pero di ako ganun katatag, so 1 bag lang.. pero 450cc.)

4. YSABELLA SKY TABERNILLA-MARZAN. - (And to my future pamangkins as well.) For bringing joy to our hearts for the simplest things that you do. (Kahit ngumiti ka lang, I swear, bibigyan ka ng MacBook Pro ni Lolo Daddy mo! Haha!) I never knew being your Tita Ninang would be this fun! Kahit na maubusan ako ng pera, basta para sayo, ok lang! (Pero 'pag dumami na kayo, kailangan mo maintindihan na dapat pantay-pantay kayong lahat.. For now, let's concentrate on you.) Add to that, we have the same birthmonth, I get to have my mini-Grinch/Grinchette! I'll be a good Tita Ninang / Mama Lai to you.. promise! And thank you for sucking out all the bad vibes everytime I get to see you.

3. MY SISTERS KATHY and LESLEY. - The best of both worlds. My sworn enemies when I was still a child.. and now the best "little" sisters I have. (I used to call Ate Kat Ms. Minchin, dahil kung apihin ako parang si Sarah at Becky combined!) Feeling yata nila ako yung panganay at kung makapag-hiling ng "gifts", wagas. Haha! Don't get me wrong, I love giving them stuff, nakakatawa lang isipin minsan. Eh dati lagi nila ako inaaway at inaasar na panget, ampon, etc! Well.. Well.. Well.. LOOK AT ME NOW! (Busabos parin! Chot!) Ganito man ako, never ko na-feel na kailangan ko i-assert sa sarili ko at sa ibang tao na "kapatid nila ako", alam ko naman na talo-talo na talaga sa mukha. Mahal ko kayo, alam niyo na yun.. at alam ko rin na mahal niyo ko.. so no SLOPPY KISSES / WET KISSES on the cheeks necessary, K?

2. MY MOTHER LETICIA. - The bearer of the womb who created me and brought me into this world... (HA? ANG PANGET PAKINGGAN!) My mother, who is always there for us, who always make sure me/we have "baons", who is willing to help anytime, and who simply doesn't get tired of taking care of her "baby damulag"..me! (Trivia: I still sleep beside my mom. Yeah, ganun kami ka-sweet. Haha!)

1. 25 YEARS OF AN AWESOME ROLLER-COASTER RIDE CALLED "LIFE". -  25 blissful years.. What more could I ask for? Silver year baby! Thank you Lord, you are indeed the darling of heaven who gives life to us here on earth. I'd still be excited for the years to come. 

LET THE GOOD VIBES ROLL! Tapusin na ang curse ng
"The Birthday Grinch!"

First John Green Book.

One thing that I look into whenever I choose a book to read is the cover.. Yes, the cover; not the author, the synopsis, or how popular it is on Amazon. In fact, that is how I bought my very first fictional book, right in the "Young Adults" section of Powerbooks, where all the colorful, glittery book covers of Meg Cabot (Patricia Cabot) were placed, I grabed "All American Girl" because of its "cute" cover. (Lame. I know.) And from then on I started collecting her novels and series, and other books from Simon Pulse (Which also has cute cartoon covers..) and Sophie Kinsella. 

And so when I saw an Instagram post of this book, The Fault In Our Stars by John Green,  I instantly borrowed it from my friend. I don't know any novels of John Green, I didn't even know he's the author of this book, what caught my attention more is the comment of Jodi Picoult right above the book. Haha! So, when I got the book, I immediately started my reading.

I didn't put down the book until I've read the first five chapters of it. (I won't go into details on the story as I may be spoiling some of the parts to those who haven't read it yet or planning to read it too.) I was hooked up on the character of Hazel and her situation and wondered if people similar to her were really like that. Anyway, as I am at the middle of the book, a friend (Ate Grace) saw me holding it and she said.. "Ay? Maganda yan! Pero... Basta!" and I was like "Eeeeeehh.. Ano? Mamamatay noh? Hindi happy ending noh?" (SPOILER MUCH!) So upon hearing that, I read it as fast (I'm a busy person, and I do my "leisure" reading and "school" reading almost simultaneously..) as I can and when I reach the end of it.. I let out a sigh and felt my eyes watering.. BUT I managed to hold it back. (Kung nagkataon, unang beses ko iiyak sa pagbasa ng libro, paano na kung nagbasa ako ng Nicholas Sparks?) After finishing the book, I texted Ate Grace.. "Bittersweet ending.. Naiyak naman ako dito.." and she replied "I warned you.. :)". Yup, you did warn me. 

It was a good read. And one thing I've learned from this book is that life is unfair, and knowing that, we should be able to live it to the fullest (not recklessly of course), to live it like it was our last day, and to simply appreciate life as it is, however unfair it may seem. Also, I realized that if people like Hazel and Augustus can have a good life despite their condition, why on earth am I focusing on all the negative things that's surrounding me? :) I know I'm not a bearer of "happy jujus" and can spread it like the fairygodmothers spread pixie dust (HA? ANO? Anong pinagsasabi ko?) but it doesn't hurt to sometimes be happy and smile for no reason at all, right? 

I am no "book critic", but I recommend this book for anyone who has a time to read. :) It's so good, I think this is the first that I've ever written a blog post about a book. HAH! And I'd like to thank Ms. Paulina Piñon for lending me this book.. I really loved it dear.. Thank you. :) 

So 'till here..