ENOUGH ALREADY!

No matter how hard I try to avoid it, bad vibes keep coming my way. AS IN! Like for example today, it could have been one "normal" day, but noooo! Here's the deal..

I've f*cking applied for my VL almost a month ago for that Puerto Princesa trip that was booked last December, or somewhere near that date. I wanted to go there badly, especially now! That's why I tried to make ammends on my end for them to approve my VL. I even offered to work overtime [without pay] just to show them that I'm willing to be of help just so they can approve my VL.

BUT, unexpectedly, my reliever had an emergency and couldn't report for work on the day that I applied my VL. [Which I have know just last Monday] I am not that inconsiderate and I totally understand her situation that's why I didn't argue. I won't deny that it really broke my heart not being able to join the trip. [Ako pa naman pasimuno ng pag-book na yun!] Plus, I so need to get out of here, AS IN!

Fast-forward. I've already accepted the fact that I won't be going after all. As what I've said from my previous post, I am letting those BVs pass. But what's annoying is that your boss will continually ask you on what to do regarding that matter. I mean, really? Is there still something that can be done? And there is, why couldn't you think of it and why bother ask me? Diba lang? I know this ranting is kinda low, but I am this furious because this isn't the first time that this is happening. [Alam ng mga kaibigan ko na tuwing trip lagi akong may extra ticket, delayed flight, or early return home!] Plus, reliever is trying to play "psych war" on me by pushing me to talk to the Department Head regarding the situation and what needs to be done if ever this will happen again. WHY ME? WHY NOT YOU? Kainis eh! Ako pa pinagtutulakan! Haller! As if naman may magagawa pa eh.. isa lang naman sasabihin nila eh.. "Wala na tayo magagawa jan eh!" She keps sending me text messages all morning, and I'm like.. "ENOUGH ALREADY!" Papasok na nga ako bukas eh, wala nang issue. Wala nang usap-usap!

Well, here's what I can do.. I can freaking pass my resignation letter. Ktnxbye.


P.S. : Joke lang yung last part.. Not yet. Haha! Wala pa kong ipon eh. Hahaha! Caught in the moment lang. Haaaaaay.

Blahs.

Random thoughts. Stuff. Blahs. Updates.

** PURPLE PHONE DROOL **

While in ATC last Saturday, I saw this baby that really caught my attention. And I wanna buy her right away.. BUT! Luckily, I manage to get hold of myself, and just adored her from the display window. And now, I can't stop thinking about her. [Yeah! It's a girl.. a girl fone. And Im'ma name her BONNIE if I get to buy her. *hopefully*] And here it is.. the *almost* new BLACKBERRY CURVE 8530! ♥♥♥
And of course, I need 2 fones, and they have to be matching colors [WHAT? Hahaha!] so I was thinking also of replacing my Nokia E72, with the same model [Of course, I've learned to love that fone COMPLETELY! Hahaha!] but the Amethyst version. [What do I mean by that? Check this out and you'll know why!] ♥♥♥
** STUCK IN MY HEAD **


I've been playing these albums for weeks now, and I'm getting the hang of it. [Timeout from EMO songs muna.] Relaxing. I recommend you download it also and listen to the whole album. It's nice. Enough said. Ü



** GETTIN' INKED **


Planning on getting inked again. [No definite date yet. Promise! Haha!] And I want it placed near my right ankle so its kinda-crazy painful! Hahaha! But then, no pain no tatt right? HAH! Maybe on my 25th birthday? Nah! How 'bout 24th? Hahaha! =)) But then it got me thinking, my tattoo 'theme' will be ruined if I opt to choose this design.. buuuuuut I WANT it! =( [Stars, Purple, Pinkish, blah!] Hhhhmmm.. Decisions, decisions..

** HAPPY BIRTHDAY MI LOVE **

June 7. For the first time in N years, I didn't confuse myself for another date of my dear friend's birthday. ARIEL L. REGULLANO. Happy *insert age here* Birthday! Hahaha! Ü I Googled your name looking for a photo that I'll post here, and this is my favorite one.

Again, Happy Happy Birthday. Thank you for all the craziness that you continually bring into my life. [Anu daw? Grammar check nga Grammar Police!] Basta, for being a one-of-a-kind friend. I love you (mmm-hhmmm) honey bee! ♥♥♥

** ON MY TEMPER **

Lately, I'm learning how to control my temper [Or in this case, my bitchiness.] and how to just let those 'Bad Vibes' pass. Right? WRONG! This is not good. I repeat. THIS. IS. NOT. GOOD. Why? Ano yun? 'Di na ko marunong magalit? Kasi napapalipas ko nalang yung mga bagay na dapat ko ikagalit? AT bakit ako nagsasalita ng Filipino? 'Diba dapat 'pag galit magaling mag-English? Anyway.. As I was saying. I think not being able to get mad isn't healthy. And I think people will take advantage of that. [Nega naman!] Basta, lately I don't know how to get mad.. I'll just let it pass.. So go ahead.. Test me, while it lasts.. Hahahaha! =)) Try me, if you dare.

** RANDOM THOUGHTS **

► Everyone is facing a battle. You don't know what they're going through, so try to be a little bit considerate sometimes.

► Not everything is about you. So don't assume, but rather, ask.

► What you think is a good diversion won't take your mind off things that you need to deal with. [Ha? Basta ganun!]

► If you think you know it, YOU DON'T! [And I quote.. Ü]

► Ngayon ko lang nalaman, may 'substitution' din pala ng tao sa buhay?

► Kailangan ko ng 'breather'. Yung bagong environment. New routine. New work. etc.

► PEACE OF MIND - I so need you now. I'm tired.

'Till here. Blah.

............

My shattered dreams and broken heart are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

I was here, you were there, guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you, I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I got to be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I’m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down...
To my last cry...

............

After almost 5 songs, 4 annoying calls, and 10 minutes of just staring at the monitor, I still couldn't come up with a good intro.. So here goes.. Game.

A LOT has been going on, with you, with me, and the rest of the world. And honestly, it's more than I can bear, physically and emotionally. Every time I read your posts in your blog, I couldn't help but cry, think of you, and worry about you. If I can really take away all the hurt, pain, sadness and everything else that you're going through, I'd gladly do it, wholeheartedly. But the truth is, there is nothing that I can do. I couldn't think of anything "appropriate" to do with the situation. I'm all out of plans this time.

I know I haven't got the slightest idea of what you're really going through, but I do know it's not that easy. All I know is that everything has a purpose, and that He will never ever leave you. So you need not worry, because even if the people around you leave you or if all else fail, He'll be there with you, holding you and carrying your burdens for you.

Know that you'll always have that one prayer warrior who'll continue to pray for what's best for you and for the things that is yet to come.

So no matter what you've been through, no matter what you're into
No matter what you see when you look outside your window
Brown grass or green grass, picket fence or barbed wire
Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher
Raise them 'till your arms are tired, let them know you're here
That you're struggling, surviving, that you're going to persevere
Ain't nobody leaving, nobody going home
Even if they turn the lights out, the show is going on...

Quarter-Life Crisis.

Another laid-back Friday here at the office, it's just midday and yet I have nothing to do anymore. [Or I haven't started what I'm supposed to do yet.] Anyway..

This week has been a mix of boredom, over thinking, paranoia, jealousy, and intimidation. Yes, one emo-rant post coming up.

I think I might be going through a "quarter-life crisis". I heard this before but I didn't picture myself being on it. Well, it's just that I started "evaluating" my life in general at the moment, and what/where I want to be in the future. I wanted to further my studies, I wanted a career-growth, I wanted to start on investing on my house, I wanted a new hobby, a new job, meet new people, etc. And then one Wednesday morning, I cried. In my current situation, I feel like I'm trapped, can't moved towards my 'goals' in life. My job doesn't have any opportunity for promotion [I'm still on probation for almost 2 years now.], I don't have enough savings to enroll at UST-GS or even in PWU-GS, I also don't have enough money to go on skills-enhancement trainings, or start looking for a house [My mom won't approve of me applying for a housing loan this early.], AND MY FREAKIN' CREDIT CARD APPLICATION WASN'T APPROVED! [For the Nth time, probably the world is conspiring for me not to have a credit card, REALLY!]

I don't know what triggered this "quarter-life" sh*t dilemma. Maybe because I'm in search of something to do, or something to look forward to? Perhaps the present is not that nice to look at that's why I need to look ahead to keep me going? BUT, reality check, I'm here now. I have to deal with my life, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! And hope that eventually, I'll arrive where I'm supposed to be. It's just sad to know that I can't do anything at the moment but to 'go along' life, day-by-day. As what my mom said last night "Isa-isa lang kasi ang pag-ayos ng buhay 'Nak. Dati, lovelife, ngayon naman career. Mamaya mag-asawa ka nalang bigla ah?" And then I cried again. Masama naman bang isaayos ang buhay? I don't know. I fell asleep crying... again.

I just hope that this EPISODE will pass [kasabay ng pag-alis ni Chedeng sa bansa] and bring back the hope in me... 'cause as for the moment.. there is none.