Yesterday.

I just can't believe you're gone, still waiting for morning to come. Wanna see if the sun will rise even without you by my side. When we have so much in store tell me what is it I'm reaching for. When we're through building memories I'll hold yesterday in my heart..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

You always used to say I should be thankful for every day. Heaven knows what the future holds or at least how the story goes, but I never believed them till now. I know I'll see you again, I'm sure it's not selfish to ask for more. One more night, one more day, one more smile on your face but they can't take yesterday..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

I thought our days would last forever, but it wasn't our destiny.
'Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong.
Now I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made,
I'm looking back on yesterday..

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made. They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday. They can take the future that we'll never know. They can take the places that we said we would go. All the broken dreams take everything, just take it away, but they can never have yesterday.

Hurting.

Whaddup Monday? It's kinda early for me to be blogging on a Monday, but, I have lots of time anyway since I deactivated my account on FB [for reasons that I won't cite here.] and on other social networking sites. Anyway..

Its been two weeks since my last post that's worth-reading-somehow. And ever since then, I am hurting. Hurting. Present progressive tense if I'm not mistaken. Meaning currently happening. [Redundant ba? Ewan. Basta!]

Magtatagalog na ko, nahihirapan ako eh. Haha! Game.

Mahirap ang mga nakaraang linggo. Walang tulog. Hirap matulog. Ang bigat ng loob. Plastik ang ngiti. Malalim ang 'eyebags'. Malungkot. Sobrang lungkot. Masakit. Sobrang sakit. Ngayon ko lang nalaman kung gaano ko kalalim nahulog, kasi ang hirap bumangon eh. [Sabi ko na eh! Sinabi ko na 'to dati sa sarili ko. Ayokong masyadong mahulog, dahil baka ako din mahirapan sa huli. Ayan, totoo nga.] Parang multong nanghahabol yung pangyayari, kahit di mo isipin, kusa siyang papasok sa isip mo. At kahit isipin mo siya ng isipin, mapapagod ka lang dahil hindi ka makakakita ng kahit anong liwanag sa sitwasyon. [Yup. Pessimism kicking in.] Pero ang pinaka-nahihirapan akong labanan ay yung kalungkutan. Sobrang nalulungkot ako. Tapos wala akong magawa, o kung may magagawa man ako, hindi sapat. Tamang pang-tawid lang. [Pagkain?] Nagpapasalamat ako na wala akong 'suicidal tendencies' dahil kung meron, malamang hindi na ko nagttype ng post ko ngayon, malamang di na ko umabot ng 2011. [Buti nalang talaga wala! Gusto ko pa masinagan ng araw ng matagal na panahon noh!] Ito na yata ang pinaka 'masaklap' na nangyari sa 'lovelife' ko. [Oh ayan ah? hindi ako exag na 'buhay' ang ginamit ko. 'Lovelife' lang.]

Pero kahit ganito ang nararamdaman ko, umaasa parin naman ako na gaganda din ulit ang takbo ng kwento ko. Iikot din ulit ang gulong at aakyat ulit ako sa taas. Nagpapasalamat ako dahil wala akong galit na nararamdaman, mas magiging madali ang pagtanggap ng mga bagay-bagay kapag iniintindi mo ito maigi at walang galit na kinikimkim. Siguro sa ngayon, kailangan ko lang umiwas dahil ayoko nang madagdagan pa yung lungkot na nararamdaman ko sa ngayon. Masakit. Sobrang sakit dahil ayoko yung nangyayari. Walang may gusto nito. [Well, ewan ko sa iba ah? Di ko alam.] At walang may kasalanan kung bakit humantong sa ganito. Kaya nga mas nakakalungkot isipin eh, kasi... Ayun na nga. Paulit-ulit? Unli? :)

Hindi naman ako nagpapanggap na sobrang 'strong' ako at kayang-kaya ko 'to. Oo kaya ko 'to, pero sa ngayon nahihirapan pa ko. Kinakaya ko. Itinatawid ko. Kasi anong gagawin ko diba? Kailangan ko din tulungan sarili ko. Ako na lang mag-aalaga ng sarili ko, di ko pwedeng iasa sa ibang tao yun. [Not their responsibility.] Sobrang sakit, parang outline ng tattoo. Ito yung pinakamasakit na part. Pero gaya ng lahat ng tattoo, ITS ALL WORTH THE PAIN. Lahat ng sinabi/sinasabi/sasabihin ko, papanindigan ko hangga't kaya ko. Alam kong mahirap kalabanin ang 'force of nature' pero hanggang sa huli, lalaban parin ako. Magpapahinga lang muna ko.

Sana lang I'll be over the hurt/pain soon. Kasi nasasayangan ako sa mga araw eh. Parang ngayon, kalagitnaan na ng January, ganito parin ako? Hindi ko minamadali, pero parang ganun na nga. Hahaha! Ayoko na yung feeling ng lungkot na 'to eh. Sana malapit na matapos..

At pagtapos nito.. I assure you.. ♫♪ I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME IF WE EVER MEET AGAIN..♪♫ Hahaha! Ah basta. Bahala na.

Dito nalang muna. Bye!

When?

On this day, God wants you to know...

... that inevitable is best accepted with serenity. There are times when you absolutely see no solution. When you've thought and thought and prayed and prayed; when you've sat still in meditation listening for an answer and still no answer comes. There are times when it's okay to just surrender.

I *Hate* This Part.

Another EMOde post. Yeah, this is tiring already. =((

I already forgot how this 'emo phase' works. I'm really really lost for words. [Or I'm just afraid to write what I really feel because I might regret it. Now's not the best time for it.] I just want to 'doddle' on this blog because I can lose my sanity here at the office, with no one to talk to.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

If the past months have been nothing but happiness, I guess now.. it's payback time. And if this is what needs to be done in order to bring that happiness back.. I'd gladly embrace the pain.

"The world slows down, but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part where the end starts. I can't take it any longer, thought that we were stronger, all we do is linger. Slipping through my fingers. I don't want to try now. All that's left's goodbye to find a way that I can tell you." =((

Hope For The New Year..

So yeah, its 2 hours before 2011 comes. And I'm doing this 'I-need-to-have-a-year-end-post' post. I don't want 'Thank you' notes or 'Highlights of 2010' kind of post because its what most people do. And of course, I've already thanked people and blogged about the "highlights" of my year.

Anyway, I wanted this to be short and simple.

Since last week, I haven't been resting well, and that's not because of the parties, night-outs, etc. that I've been going to. Sleep is far different from rest, if you know what I mean. Its just that I've never been so bothered about something like this before. Since I've heard THAT news, I can't help but be scared. Scared? Yeah, scared. It's the first time that I feel unsure of what can happen the day after. [Excuse my grammar. Kalat lang thoughts ko.] I know for a fact that tomorrow is always uncertain, but to feel scared about it? That's new for me.

Maybe, once again, I am being tested by my faith. I know that I've been AWOL with my 'meetings' with God, so maybe He's calling my attention. Maybe, because things are going so well with my life, I often forget to talk to him. So, yeah. Maybe He's just reminding me of something, or He wants me to learn something from this... eeeerrrmmm... test?

When I'm not in control of things, there's one thing left to do.. HOPE. Hope that things would turn out for the better. Hope that everything will fall perfectly into place. Hope that people would be patient enough to wait for their prayers to be answered. Hope that there would be a brighter day for all of us. Hope that our eyes be dried from tears. Hope that people will not stop from hoping.

2 hours from now, we'll be facing a new year. New beginnings. New challenges. New experiences. New opportunities. New everything! And with all of these, let us keep our head high, hope that what we prayed for will be answered one by one, and never stop believing. :)

Happy New Year Everyone! God Bless Us All! :)